Are childless couples happier? How love pulled us through.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
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Marriage is not a bed of roses they say, it’s not always the case of happily ever after they say, and love they say is signified by the butterflies in your belly. Are childless couples happier? Childlessness can be likened to the thorns in marriage, if the roses provides enough nectar for the butterflies, would you notice the thorns?

Are childless couples happier? A warm kind of love

Amina looked at her husband as he gently cooed the baby. She felt tears coat her eyes and felt a warm kind of love overwhelm her. This is an achievement, she thought to herself. She had never been one to believe marriage is an achievement. But now, she could attest to it that her getting married to this rare breed of a man is the biggest achievement of her life. This was it, this was jackpot. This was the fattest bone and she was satisfied.

Ten years of childlessness had not been a joke.

Are childless couples happier? Like Cinderella

Amina grew up with a desire to get married for love.  She was waiting for the heart-thumping, butterfly-producing, and toes curling kind of love that she would feel when she first met her man. That had been her compass but it didn’t do her any good because she moved into her mid-twenties without dating any man. She was waiting for butterflies only to wake up one morning to realize butterflies did not exist and her time was going.

Amina hadn’t wanted to get married without love and so she set her mind on working and enjoying spinsterhood. She had started getting marriage hints from her parents and family members. Amina decided to settle down without her much-coveted love.

Are childless couples happier? In which marriage does not take much

She met Munir, she didn’t love him, she knew but she liked him. They were friends. He also wanted to settle down as his parents were urging him to do so. She made him understand she did not love him but liked him enough to commit herself to forever with him. She promised to try her best to be a good wife. That he had agreed on, and he promised to be a good her. With that out of the way, they went ahead to get married to each other not as lovers but as friends. 

Amina found out she laughed a lot whenever she was with Munir and she liked that he was good to her. She found out she rather liked having sex with her husband. Her Munir was a man with a healthy appetite for sex. It was not bad because he made her needs a priority.

A strand of thorn

Marriage would have been easy had she started having kids immediately.

Six months into the couple’s marriage, tongues were already wagging as to why she was not pregnant. Amina and Munir had waved it aside as they believed it won’t be long before she gets pregnant. 

She hadn’t given it serious thought until a year had passed and she realized she had not had a miscarriage talk more of getting pregnant.

Amina raised her concern with Munir who assured her they would have a child in their own time. She would have agreed with him had they been living away from the prying eyes of extended family members.

Are childless couples happier/mildstrings
Are childless couples happier

Amina had gone to the Mosque on a particular Jumat to pray. She was on her her way back when she was accosted by two female family members who queried her on her childlessness. The intensity of their prying had her tongue stuck to her mouth and unable to utter a word. They dished out to her unsolicited advice on how to have sex properly so she could have kids. Shocked was understatement of what she felt.

She went home to her husband and cried. Munir comforted her.

Two years into their marriage, she was given a bottle of herbs by her mother that smelt horrible. The instruction was for her to drink it each time she was to meet with her husband. Munir found out what her mother had done and threw the herbs away. He warned his wife sternly to be patient and wait for God’s time. 

Their third year had seen her dragging her husband to the hospital to test their fertility. The doctor gave them the test results which showed they were both okay. Munir laughed and assured her everything was going to be okay.

The pain of seeing ladies whom she got married before them having kids, and some of those children growing up to play around was harrowing. It was her dream to get married and have her own kids. Adoption was not an option for her though her husband was open to the idea of it.

A bouquet of thorns

The fifth-year saw Munir’s mother coming to Amina’s house to embarrass her over her childlessness. The old woman had barged into the house that morning to call her names ranging from a witch, to a stick, to a man. Amina could not hold her tears, her mother-in-law did not understand what she was going through. Unluckily for Munir’s mother, Munir was around the house and came out to rebuke his mother for shouting at her. In the presence of his wife, he sternly warned his mother never to come to his house and insult his wife. The old woman left angrily.

The sixth year had Amina getting paranoid and desperate. She started having sex with her husband every day. Previously, she and her husband met for pleasure and intimacy but her newfound zeal to have a child made her start initiating sex every day. The shared passion for sex died out and was replaced by routine sex that was aimed at procreation. Her husband had begun to see sex as a chore because priorities were misplaced.

This caused a rift in her marriage as her husband would deny her sex because he felt used by her. It was not the natural attraction that made them copulate. It was the wife’s desperation that oiled their copulation. He didn’t feel like she still found him desirable. Amina became more paranoid. 

She suspected her husband was cheating on her and had a child with another woman because he no longer wanted to have sex with her. She stalked him and was always checking his phone. When he noticed her incessant checking of his phone, he brought it up with her and expressed his displeasure and hurt at her attitude. 

She realized her wrong and apologized, which mended the rift between her and her husband. They went back to the being the happy couple they were known to be.

A bed of thorns

In the ninth year, during Ramadan. She religiously observed her fast and the prayers. She desperately begged Allah to give her a child of her own.

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The tenth year was the one in which  Munir’s family had come to visit and in the presence of Amina had suggested he picked a second wife to bear him kids. This was right because his wife is unable to bear kids, the dictates of Islam allowed for it and he was comfortable enough to have another wife.  She watched with inner delight the look of his rage on his face and his rebuke to the family members that dared come to his house to say such a thing. Amina could never have believed that her husband would do such a thing for her, defend her honor in the presence of his family like that. She felt warm and appreciated him how she knew he liked best.

The family members left and spread rumors that Amina had cast a spell on their son. Munir’s family decided to get him a wife on his behalf. Upon finding out, he cut off communication with his family and boycotted them till they resigned to his decision and sent the girl home. If it was a rumor before, it had become a truism she cast a spell on him. No man in his right senses would reject a second wife.

Are childless couples happier? A bed of roses

Seeing Munir do this had boosted her confidence and laid her mind to rest about children. She resigned herself to Munir’s mantra that children will come in their own time. Amina concentrated on eating healthy, deepening her intimacy with Munir who was above the moon at such attitude. She refused to be bothered

It was two years later when she fainted the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy. Her husband had been joyous but she refused to believe it. She had walked around in a daze for two days at her unbelievable luck

Amina had family and well-wishers who had previously thrown insults at her congratulating her.

Are childless couples happier? And butterflies.

She loved every minute of her pregnancy because her husband made it easy for her. She loved this man. God knows she loves him so much.  It was in the trying times that made marriage became interesting for her and deepened her love for her husband. She realized how much he loved her. When she looked at him long enough, she felt butterflies in her belly and some heart racing.

Amina stood up, walked toward him, and clasped his mouth with hers. She could not quantify how she felt but this was how best she could express it. She dropped the baby into the cot, wrapped her hands around him drew him into her. He smiled against her lips and asked why she was like that she muttered, “thank you for loving me deeply”. He smiled and kiss her in the hollow of her neck, “na know you know, I have loved you since we met”. She smiled and shut him up with another kiss. They continued till they were lost in each other’s passion.


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