Being abandoned in a relationship; why does it hurt?

by Onyinye Ogbuka
Being abandoned in a relationship/mildstrings/twitter

Being abandoned in a relationship would hurt. You gave your life to one man and woke up one morning to discover you were in a sham. Does it hurt? Yes. How would you feel? Here is how I felt.

Being abandoned in a relationship …. Lost treasures

Amaka stared at the pictures for a long time and felt tears coating her eyes. She blinked and they ran down her cheeks.

She had always believed that there is nothing certain in life but thought her relationship was above uncertainty. Amaka thought this love had passed through fire and was already a shining gold. Now the gold was lost; could she even call it gold?

She laid on her bed and let out an anguished cry. Amaka held her stomach and wept bitterly.

She missed him, she hated him, she hated the memory of him, she hated her foolishness. 

Amaka stood up, went to her bedside drawer and pulled out her photo album. 

She flipped open the first page.

Being abandoned in a relationship… Time travel

The picture on the first page was taken ten years ago. It was their first time meeting and it was at a friend’s birthday party. She was 18 and had just finished secondary school. Her friend had invited her to the birthday party her father had organized for her. Her friend would not stop gushing about how big it was going to be. Pumped by the exaggerated description of the party, Amaka wanted to attend that party. However, she knew her catechist father was not going to allow her to attend the party so she devised a means to go.

She told her father she was going to her friend’s house to study for JAMB, her friend’s father had employed a lesson teacher for her friend so she wanted to join them and learn more. Her father liked the sound of that and allowed her to go. She had hidden her clothes behind the small row of flowers beside the gate. She went through the gate and picked up the bag of party clothes her friend had given her.

With her heart beating, she took off running before her father would think of coming out.

She got to the party and was grateful it was yet to start. She quickly went to her friend’s room and met her friend getting ready for the party. Her friend squealed in delight, she was happy to see Amaka.

In less than an hour, Amaka was fully dressed in a form-fitting gown that hugged her curves and used some makeup that brought out her large eyes. She looked in the mirror as she twirled and beheld the beauty staring right back at her. 

Being abandoned in a relationship …. Disco lights and attraction

Two hours later, the party had kicked off in earnest and was already in full gear. Amaka enjoyed the old school music playing but she had no one to dance with. She made her way outside to get a bit of fresh air. Outside, she breathed in a greedy amount of air then someone tapped her from behind. She turned around to see a guy smiling at her. He was light in complexion, a tad taller than her, and had a beautiful gap between his front tooth. 

He introduced himself as Nedu, short for Chinedu and she did the same. Nedu invited her to dance inside and she followed him in. The music was playing was a slow Westlife. Nedu placed his hands on Amaka’s waist, while Amaka placed her hands on his shoulders and they moved gently to the rhythm of the music.

Nedu’s eyes were trained on her and she found it difficult to look at him. She looked down and he brought her close. She gasped at his closeness. Amaka danced a while with Nedu before the MC called Amaka’s friend to come cut the cake. After two other activities, the birthday came to an end.

By the time the event had to come to an end, Amaka and Nedu had known each other to the point of knowing where the other lived and agreeing on where to meet so he can give her the picture they took during the cutting of the cake.

Being abandoned in a relationship/pinterest pin/mildstrings

Being abandoned in a relationship … Memories

Amaka flipped through several pages of the album.  She came across another picture.

In this picture, they were seated beside each other. On the table was an assortment of drinks and several plates of pepper soup. They had come to a bar with friends to celebrate their passing-out ceremony from NYSC.

After their first meeting at Amaka’s friend’s party, what looked like teenage love had metamorphosed into a burning love between two adults.

Amaka had gained admission into the university to study Law and Nedu had also gained admission into the same university to study Engineering.

Their budding love grew into dimensions that Amaka could never have dreamed of. After their first year, they got a house and started cohabiting without the knowledge of their parent. They lived like couples, a young couple in love.

Amaka would discover that cohabitating with a male she was in love with without having sex was near impossible. When Nedu started making advances and giving hints, due to their proximity and the amount of time they spent together, there was nothing she could do but offer herself. When her conscience tugged at her, she justified her decision with the fact that she loves him and would later marry him. They promised marriage to each other. It was unpleasant at first but after a few times became pleasurable. Their bond became stronger.

They were known by each other’s friends and popularly called married people. Amaka remembered how they were always there for each other and how they imagined the future together. They graduated and luckily they were posted to the same state but to different PPAs. They lived together and planned their future.

Their friend had taken a picture of them with his BlackBerry and had the picture printed.

Everything you can ever ask for

She flipped open a particular picture where they were seated with other people at a friend’s wedding.

She and Nedu had become each other’s yin and yang. After their passing out ceremony, life became a bit hard. Amaka could not get a job in a Law firm but she could sell. Much to the disagreement of her boyfriend, she started a business that started booming in its sixth month. Nedu wanted to further his degree in M.Sc and he enlisted Amaka’s help. With the profit she got from her business, she helped Nedu get his M.Sc. By this time, she was in her mid-twenties, and Nedu was in his late twenties.

Being abandoned in a relationship/mildstrings
Being abandoned in a relationship

Nedu got a job and together they decided to build a house. They bought the land together and built a house on it with their collective efforts. The couple moved in and celebrated it with a bash. Tongues were wagging already. It would be the first time she would bring up such a conversation with him. She asked him when they would settle down. He lovingly reminded her of all their plans and how marriage would ruin everything. She eagerly agreed with him.

A fool in love

Sweet and gentle Amaka, she loved Nedu with all her heart and swore she would walk the ends of the earth for him. As a testament to her beauty, she had men coming for her hand in marriage. Out of her fierce loyalty to Nedu, she would turn them down much to the annoyance of her father and mother.

She had quietly gotten rid of three pregnancies without the knowledge of Nedu because she knew it would upset him. She didn’t like seeing him upset.

After four years, Nedu got a rare opportunity to travel out and work and as it was short notice, the price of the ticket was exorbitant. He could also further his education there and get a higher pay that would change their lives. Nedu suggested they sell the house and Amaka refused. She was not in support of it. She noticed Nedu’s unhappiness and how lean he was getting every day. The day she concurred to sell the house, he was happy, happily made big promises, and promised to bring her over when he settles down. In a week, she had to move out into an apartment Nedu had rented from the money he got from selling the house.

Being abandoned in a relationship …. Unexpected goodbye

The week before he left was when they had attended the wedding ceremony where the picture was taken. The night he was to depart, the last sex they had was hurried, Amaka was trying to reach something beyond her. She bade him farewell amidst tears and hope 

When he left, Amaka was filled with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. This was the first time she would be far away from Nedu. The pressure to get married had gone an octave higher. She told her parents her husband was abroad so they would stop disturbing her.

Being abandoned in a relationship … End of the road

Three months after Nedu got to America, he blocked Amaka on all platforms. She tried reaching him on many occasions but she could not. Amaka met his family and talked to them, they told her Nedu had instructed them not to give her his new number.

She knew it was over between them and tried her best to move on. The one thing she had was her shop and she grew it. 

After a year, she found out Nedu was married to a Nigérian woman he met abroad. She saw the pictures using a fake account she had created. It was like tearing open an old wound. Here she was, bawling her eyes out at thirty and unmarried. 

Life truly is uncertain.


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