Can I cheat on my husband? It’s forbidden but he doesn’t deserve my love.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
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Can I cheat on my husband? It was a possibility that I never considered. I did not set out to do this, I never thought I could but there is only so much you can do when you have been pushed against the wall and you are about to lose your sanity to someone who claims to be your husband.

I am a woman who is cheating on her husband. Yes, while I am not proud of it, I am not ashamed of it either. You can cast your stones, I will collect them but don’t think I won’t throw them back at you. I have often prided myself in being a faithful woman but what did my husband do that made me give up my values?

Can I cheat on my husband? Happily Ever After

I was the second daughter in a family of six. As the last born, I enjoyed a pride of place among my siblings as the last child.

I graduated from University when I was 22 and immediately found a job in a bank. The world was my oyster.

Nine months after I started working in the bank, I met my husband at the bank. He had come to file a complaint and was pleased with the way I attended to him. It took him a while to get my contact. He is one of those handsome men with a great build that could attract any kind of woman. We started talking and hanging out together.

After three months we met, I fell pregnant. My parents were angry when they found out but were against abortion. I told my husband and he asked that we get married. I told my parents about it but they refused, they felt I was too young. My husband insisted on getting married because he didn’t want to have his child outside wedlock. After some weeks of persuasion, my parents agreed and in a month, we got married.

Can I cheat on my husband? Sadly ever after

It was after I married I realized that I was married to the most irresponsible man on earth. My husband works and makes money but the money never finds its way home. He never uses the money to do anything in the house. Sounds unbelievable right? The man I married never contributed to our home.

When it was time to have our first child, the same man who insisted he would not have his child outside wedlock was the one who could not foot the hospital bills. I was not happy he left something like that to me. I had to pay my hospital bills my self.

When I came back from the hospital, I was the one who had to settle someone to come in and clean the house. My husband went out to go have drinks with his friends instead of staying around the house to help out in chores and assisting me. It was painful but I had family members around who pitched in to help until I could handle them myself.

I could not get enough maternity leave because my husband never brought money home. I had to resume early to start earning because I was the one handling the bills, it was hard for me. How much was I earning from my banking job that I was taking care of the whole house including a grown-ass man older than me by 18 years I made the mistake to marry.

Six years into our marriage, I decided to stop having children. He wanted more kids but I refused to bring into the world children I would not be able to take care of. He made an issue out of it and I angrily made him understand I was the one providing for the family even though he worked and earned better than I did, yet he brings nothing, nothing at all to the table so he does not have the right to make an issue out of it. If he wants extra kids, he should sit up and start taking care of those on earth. He was livid at my temerity to say such a thing. For what I said, I had to endure malice from him for two months.

A stray dog

He started body-shaming me. I had gone from my portable size 10 to a size 14. He would call me fat and say things like “no one would ever marry you”, “no man would like to be with you because are fat”, and “I am just managing you because I pity you”. 

He consistently made me feel bad about myself and gradually I began to lose my self-esteem. I tried shutting him out but he was always around me.

He started keeping late nights. That was when the bank decided to lay some people off and I lost my job.

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A bundle of shame

I found out my dear husband was cheating. There was nothing that I could do about it. He confessed his love to my house help and bought her things. The pain I felt could not be quantified in words.

 He seemed intent on hurting me when he made sexual advances on my friends. It was quite embarrassing to me as I was the scorn of some of my friends.

My young cousin came to visit when she came to serve in our state. He made his move on her and she reported him to me. I told him to keep his hands off my sister. He was not deterred and made more advances at her. He attempted to rape her, she slapped him and had to leave our house. I cried a lot, it was a shameful thing for me.

Can I cheat on my husband? No way home

I reported him to my father who had nothing to say but that he had warned me not to marry the man. He asked that I continued to carry my cross, prayed for me, and gave me some money to take care of my family.  His family had involved themselves and had talked to him many times but he refused to listen to them.

My husband would willingly satisfy women outside and would come home to deny his wife sex. I had to beg him to sleep with me. He made it look like sleeping with me was a chore. He would always complain about my love for sex and made me feel like a harlot for asking. When he decided to grant me sex, without foreplay, he would bend me over and thrust painfully into me in all my dryness. After a few of these repeated attitudes, he started denying me sex completely.

My marriage is fifteen years today and I can tell you that for the last five years, my husband has not touched me.

Can I cheat on my husband? Stolen pleasures

Three years ago, by a stroke of luck, I got a job in a company. A few months later, I met a man who changed the trajectory of my life and gave me hope. He wanted me to go out with him and because I already lost my self-esteem I let him know I had nothing to offer. I was fat and ugly.

He refuted the claims I made and said I was his type and he backed it up with action. He makes me feel special. Whenever I am with him, I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. The first time we had sex, I orgasmed and cried. He is kinkier, savvier, and prioritizes my sexual needs more than my husband will ever do. It hurts that another man is taking the place of my husband in my heart but there is nothing I can do about it especially when he takes care of me financially. He started paying my children’s fees and still pays them. He changed my wardrobe, he also bought me a car and placed me on salary even with my normal job. The house I live in with my husband, this man pays the rent for it. 

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Can I cheat on my husband

I started looking good for the man in question, our marriages are going through turbulent times but we don’t dwell on it. We just try our best to be there for each other the best way we can.

Fellow comrade

The fool I married thinks I will remain faithful to him while he keeps philandering. My foolish husband thinks the money I spend is from my job and my cousins abroad. He brags to his friends that he married a virtuous woman who takes care of all bills in the house. 

He tried getting intimate with me but I denied him. I asked him for a divorce and he refuses to grant me one. He knows he has messed up and is now asking me to forgive him. I am too hurt to forgive him for what he has put me through. Most importantly, I am enjoying myself with my boyfriend so I am living life on my terms and enjoying myself.


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