Dating someone who is not your physical type. Don’t be rigid.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
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Your type, your spec, your standard, your dream man; these are all definitions of people whom we would like to end up within our imagination. Would you be open to dating someone who is not your physical type? You can either be rigid about it and miss out on a lot of goodies or you can be flexible about it and be comforted that you at least tried your best. Life does not come the way we want, the answers to our desires do not often come in the package we desire.

Dating someone who is not your physical type… A rare kind of specie

Kaka as her friends called her was the true picture of African black beauty. Dark-skinned ladies do not attract men, they say but this was not the case when it came to Kaka. She beautifully carried her 5’7 black beauty with grace. She possessed the voluptuousness of a black woman. Her breast was always crying for attention no matter how covered up she was. One could wrap his hands around her waist. Her hip and butt seemed like they had been cursed to call attention and they never failed. She had a beautiful face and a heart-stopping smile that made the hardest of men want to smile.

The skin God had bestowed her with seemed to be of a better make. It looked like it had gone through the raging furnace of heaven because her skin shone. She always looked resplendent whenever she was under the sun. Kaka always had a cause to thank God because this skin was her selling point; several skincare brands have approached her to work as a model, an ambassador or an influencer with hefty sums of money. So she made sure to take care of her skin. She represented in every alphabet the word beautiful. Her beauty had gained her some quick followers on Instagram shortly after she joined and in a short time, she amassed a large following and thus took up influencing as a job.

Dating someone who is not your physical type… The best for the best

Kaka believed herself to be beautiful. To her, the best should marry the best and that was why she had a fixed standard in a man; the man who was going to marry her. She had a Spec and her spec was; a tall man, he definitely had to be taller than her. He had to be a member of the beard gang. Since she was dark, her husband or boyfriend had to be light-skinned. She liked a man who took care of his body, so at least the man should be fit with some muscles here and there. She wanted her man lean and strong; she was voluptuous already, no need to have another fat man in the mix. Of course, he had to be comfortable, not necessarily rich, money is not her problem. She wanted her man to be kind, romantic and emotionally intelligent.

This was what she wanted.

She would later find out that every rose has its thorns. Most of the men she met and gravitated towards met this description. The downside; were they never saw past her body, it was nice to know she possessed the raw power to make a man’s blood boil and turn him into a caveman.

Dating someone who is not your physical type… Shallow love

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Most times, they concentrated on how they would slam her on the table and take her from behind while spanking her big ass. Kaka did not have a problem with it, but it was just sad that was all they thought, it was disconcerting because more than a couple of times she had escaped being raped. She wanted someone to love her for who she was, not her body necessarily, but her soul and her mind and her heart. 

Unfortunately, all of the men she dated were her type and none of them had seen past her body. She had loved them but they had loved her body. To show for it, she had a string of failed relationships.

The next spec she would date had to love her for who she was, not for her body. Even girls not as beautiful as she had their men in love with them. Why can’t she just attract one in love with her?

Rewrite the stars

A few days after her twenty-fifth birthday, Kaka was bored out of her mind. She went into her room and threw on a body hug, pairing it with a pair of flats didn’t seem too bad. Kaka applied lipgloss and checked herself out in the mirror, not too bad, she thought. She got into her car snd drove out of her compound.

She needed some clean air and no better place to get it than King’s’ lounge.

In fifteen minutes, she was strolling into the lounge. She saw heads turn to stare at her and rolled her eyes mentally, why can’t they just mind their business. She could not blame them though, she had that effect on the male gender even the females. Kaka took a sit, signalled the waiter and ordered for Chapman and a plate of peppered meat. Shortly before her waiter arrived, a tall dark guy strode toward her.

What I want, not in the way I want

“Hi, can I sit with you? He asked and smiled. 

She smiled in return, ” yeah, you can. She rolled her eyes again, can’t a girl have her peace.

He sat down and introduced himself as Chidi. She did the same too.

He had such a warm personality and enjoyed her conversation with him. They conversed for about two hours before he stood up to leave, before leaving, he asked for her contact. On a normal day, she did not give dark guys her contact so they won’t disturb her but she didn’t have the heart to say no to this one. It sounded foolish but she saw him as a great guy; for the two hours they talked, she maintained eye contact with him and never did his eyes stray to her bust. They talked about random stuff, it was surprising and refreshing to see a man with such depth. 

She paid and went home.

Two days after, he gave her a call and suggested they hang out. She did not mind, they met up and that was when she discovered he was a lawyer. She was not doing quite badly herself as she had taken a full-time job influencing and did a bulk of her work from home. He made her comfortable with him, Kaka could literally talk about anything with him and not cringe.

The Queen’s Gamble

What they had, developed into such an easy friendship. Kaka might probably not vouch for any other man but Chidi is the most loyal person she had ever known, caring to a fault, kind and mature. She was surprised he had not asked for sex or made sexual advances on her.

Five months after they met, he expressed his desire to make her his.

She was conflicted. 

Kaka wanted the traits she specified in a spec. Chidi was none of those. If anything he is an inch taller than her. His face is clean-shaven and dark, and he always carried a low cut. She didn’t know what to do.

At some point, she was going to take a decision but she did not want to hurt him. She had come to care for him. Kaka decided to take a gamble, she was going to date him. At least, she has been dating her spec and they kept breaking her heart. Let me date someone different and see what will happen, she reasoned. The worst that could happen is they would break up, testing the waters was not a bad idea.

She said yes to him. 

Dating someone who is not your physical type/mildstrings
Dating someone who is not your physical type

Dating someone who is not your physical type… Tested and trusted

Three months after they had started dating, it was Valentine. Chidi stopped at nothing to show her he was the one for her by planning a surprise valentine’s moment for her. He looked at her surprised face as she walked into the room and smiled. He was glad he had not given up on her, while they were still friends Kaka had said many times to his hearing that she wants to date a particular kind of guy. He didn’t measure up, and his first thought of action was to give up but he decided he would try his luck and see what happens.

She had given him a chance and he was going to stop at nothing to show her she made the best decision.  She was gold and in his heart, he knew it. She had already started crying already. He walked up to her, wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, “happy valentine baby.” She smiled through her years, “how did you do this, gosh you did not have to. It’s not my birthday guy”… “It does not matter, he assured her, took her lips in his and kissed her passionately. She clung to him and returned his kiss, they broke apart when there were howls around.

Kaka was grinning like a Cheshire cat, she was above the moon.

Dating someone who is not your physical type… Best spec

She longingly watched Chidi as he bade those he had invited to their small valentine party that was held in his home. She had come to love this man with every fibre of her being. At first, it was a case of trial and error but now she was sure he was the one. Her spec did not matter anymore, her spec was Chidi, someone with a heart like Chidi’s, with his soul, his smile, his mind and his dirty mouth. He was the answer to her prayers, both secret and open.

Chidi walked to her and pulled her into his arms as they waltzed to a slow romantic song that played in the background. He looked into her eyes and stared with intensity. She became shy and lowered her head. She snuggled her face into his neck, what the hell was she thinking when she wanted a 6′ something and above man.

She heard in her ears, “Chi, marry me?” She jerked her head up and looked into his face, there were traces of fear. He had nothing to worry about, she had decided long ago that she would marry him. She brought his face down and kissed him, and whispered yes. Chidi let out an oops and brought out a ring that must have cost an arm and a leg.

He slide the ring down her ring finger and kissed her.

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