How bad friends influence you; they ruined my marriage.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
Being abandoned in a relationship/mildstrings/twitter

Life was going to be good and he was everything that I could ever ask for until I started to covet what was not mine and lost gold while picking stones. I picked glamour over my husband. How bad friends influence you, they ruin your life.

How bad friends influence you

To my parents’ happiness, I got married to a wonderful man. Out of all of my sisters’ husbands my husband was the favourite because he was the selfless one. He was the one who could remove the cloth on his back to satisfy his neighbour. Sam was the only one who called to ask about their welfare. He was the one who would send foodstuffs to them and call them to wish them well on special occasions. He would also send money to them randomly. 

Initially, when I had I introduced him to them as the man I wanted to marry. They had been against him, on the concerns that he was from another tribe and they could not bear to have another child be married from a state they did not desire. I had to stand my ground about my marriage because my mates were getting married. 

How bad friends influence you; a good man

My husband, Sam, believes that family is everything and that is why he is so committed to building a family with me. He is such a responsible man, the kind that makes would make some men cower their heads in shame. I had the best husband and the best father to be. Hardworking, caring, kind and attentive. He puts all my sisters’ husbands to shame with his responsible attitude.

I have four sisters, we are five girls and one boy.

My sisters unlike me are not enjoying their marriage. They are not happy, their husbands are not the kind of men anyone would desire.

How friends can influence you negatively

One of my sister’s husbands abandoned her with the kids and moved in with another woman, a side chick. My sister is unable to cater to four children all by herself. She has not been happy for a long time. Stress has made her old faster than her age. Her husband is not helping with the kids, whenever she calls him for money to take care of the kids, he hangs up on her without wanting to hear what she wants to say. On social media, he is buying a car for his side chick, taking her on vacations and giving her the best life. My eldest sister has decided to take life as it comes. She gets suitors but no man would be willing to take of the children, especially the ones he did not father.

Why do my friends influence me

My second sister is in court trying to fight for her right to a divorce settlement. Her husband cheats on her rampantly without giving a care about how she feels. This was a man she suffered with, she was there for him when things were tough, using her money to cook and doing other things for him with her money. We all warned her to leave him, that he could not take care of her but she turned a deaf ear to what we were saying. We were happy when things started to look up for them, we admitted our foolishness as we felicitated with them.

We were just surprised to hear after their wedding, that he was cheating on her. We felt betrayed on her behalf, she was the most loving and yet she got betrayed like this. We all thought that it would stop but he got worse, keeping late nights and going as far as infecting her with an STD. That was the highest my sister could take especially when she found he had a child outside their marriage. She was tired and bitter. He wanted her to leave without taking a dime but my sister had seen through him and was going to take whatever she felt she deserved.

They ruined my marriage

My third sister is married to an abuser. She wanted to get married by all means and ended up getting married to an abuser. She had just a child. The three she was to have was kicked into miscarriage by her husband. We have been begging her to leave but she says she prefers being married to being divorced and she is willing to pay the price. I guess she does not want to be like my two elder sisters.

How bad friends influence you/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

My fourth sister is not married to a mama’s boy. She is married to the family boy. Everyone in his family has a say in their marriage and that is what her husband does. He does not listen to her. The privacy of their home has been desecrated because anyone can visit and stay for as long as they want. 

How bad friends influence you

The trouble my parents have experienced with my sisters’ husbands in their marriage has brought a lot of grief to my parents, they are sad. My marriage to Sam brought a smile to their faces. My sisters look at Sam and wish they had someone like him for a husband. He is like a son to my parents and they always make sure to remind him of that. 

My parents always remind me to take good care of my husband and appreciate him because he is a man with the heart of a king.

I love my husband but he is not the type of man I want. I have always wanted someone very rich and adventurous. Someone who loves to travel to different countries.

How bad friends influence you

Growing up, by the virtue of being beautiful, I always found myself in the company of rich kids. In my presence, they have spent as they’ve wished and I have always looked on with longing, contenting myself with the fact that I would get married to a rich man that will give me the world and then I would be able to afford whatever I wanted in life. I had so many rich men wanting marriage but once my parents set eyes on them, they were turned down. My parents wanted to get it right with me and were as careful as possible. I met Sam when I didn’t care about getting married to a rich man. I was ageing and desperate so he easily appealed to me.

Sam helped me get a job within a few months of our marriage when I lost the first one. At my office, through one of my co-workers, I met the happening babes and women in town. I liked their lifestyle, I liked their glamour, I liked their carriage, their clothes, their phones and their hair. I found myself green with envy. I wanted these things too but my husband could not afford them and it kept me dissatisfied. I was unsatisfied with my current status, with my husband and my life, I wanted more.

How do you know if your friends are bad influences

Whoever does not know where he is coming from will lose his way. I started hanging with these women more. They were the happening ladies, always attending the latest parties and weddings, buying expensive Asoebi’s and being the cynosure of all eyes. I joined the clique and found myself struggling many times to pay or meet up with a particular target. 

One of the big women in the clique approached me kindly and asked why I was struggling. I was the odd one, the only one that did not have a car, that had to jump a bike because my husband preferred using the money to buy our land. 

I shamefully told her how my husband was incapable of providing for me the way I wanted. She shook her head sadly and promised to help me. Her version of help was that I should sleep with some man who can give me the money. Some other women in our clique are doing, some of them were having extramarital affairs just to meet up with the demands of the clique. It was too horrid an idea for me, I had a faithful husband and that would hurt him if he found out. As if knowing my fear, she assured me my husband would never find out. Whenever I am ready I should tell her, she will introduce me to some guys that will take care of me.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it, the thought of it was scary.

How friends influence you in a bad way?

A month later, a close friend’s wedding in the clique was coming close. I tried to raise the money for the Asoebi but I was unable to. I hadn’t even raised one-quarter of the money. I really had to be at that wedding, it was the talk of the town. I needed money for my makeover, the shoes, the clutch and money for designing my dress.

I had planned the wedding with my close friend, if I did not go I would be the laughing stock in my clique. They were already underestimating me and making snide remarks about me not showing up for the wedding the way I usually do for the rest. I had let it slide determined to show them. I decided to have an extramarital affair. I approached the big girl in our clique and she gave me the contact card of one of the big guys that needed a woman for the night.

I told my husband I was headed to a night vigil but I had gone to the hotel to meet the guy. He took pleasure in my body and I made sure to leave him satisfied. More than happy, he transferred more than I needed, almost double. I almost fainted from happiness. I would have extra money for spraying.

I knew I was beautiful but I never knew how beautiful I was until the day I wore my specially made Asoebi and had my makeover. I looked like a queen. I knew I would be the cynosure of all eyes.  

At the wedding, I was a queen and more. I felt like I stole the show from the bride as I basked in all the attention I received.

Can people be a bad influence?

For the subsequent weddings, I had guys who were already queuing up to sleep with me. I was not bothered as to how I would get money for things again. My husband was worried that I was going to weddings almost every Saturday but I told him it was my way of socializing. It was nothing deep.

A few months after I started my clandestine affairs. I had to raise money for a big wedding in town. Through a regular client, I met a man, he was loaded, and sexy. We had an affair that lasted a month. I didn’t know the man was the husband to one of the women in my clique who envied me and my beauty.

I don’t know how she found my house and came one Saturday to call me out in the presence of neighbours. She came with some female thugs and banged loudly on my door while calling me names. My husband was annoyed while I was inside afraid that my sins had caught up with me. He opened the door and she shouted that my husband brings me out. He asked her to explain herself and she did, showing him pictures of me and different men. She showed him other pictures of me and he was livid. He called me out and asked if it was true and I couldn’t deny it. 

They ruined my marriage

I could see the hurt in his eyes as he left me and went inside. He wore his cloth and went out. When he came back, he asked that we separated. I was crying already because I knew the gravity of what I had done. I had exchanged an incredible man for glamour. I begged and pleaded with him, but it was futile. He moved out of our house to another place because he could not stand me. 

When my family found out, they called me names. They tried to beg him but it fell on deaf ears. My sisters were disappointed in me. I was ashamed of myself because the woman with whom I had slept with her husband called me out on social media. Everywhere I went, people recognized me and it was so terrible.

I am divorced and disgraced. The life I was panting after has lost its appeal to me.


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