How do I know I need marriage counselling?

by Onyinye Ogbuka

There are certain ideologies that we go into marriage with and these ideologies are capable of destroying our marriage if we are not careful. Certain behaviours can snuff the life out of our marriage. Getting counselling to correct these ideologies and behaviours is very important. How do I know I need marriage counselling?

How do I know I need marriage counselling?

We had gotten married with love in the air. We were so in love that it felt as if forever was too small. Our passions were raging so were our demons; raging to come out. 

By the third year of our marriage, we were both contemplating divorce because it looked like our marriage had hit the rocks.

When we got married, we were always clashing and each time, we apologized. When we started getting too familiar, we started to take each other’s feelings for granted. We would quarrel and then fail to apologize to each other. The anger began to fester and it turned into bitterness. At some point, we stopped caring what each other felt. 

How do I know if I need marriage counselling?

The fights became consistent and each time we tried to talk about it, we would end up shouting at each other. We would shout so much that our neighbours had to come to knock to ensure that things were fine with us. When they got tired, they left us to our devices.

We didn’t spend as much time together as we did before, we were doing our thing. He would go out and hang out with friends and I would not care what time he came back. Previously, I would call to ask where he was and he would refuse to pick up. After a while, I stopped calling because I was tired. I didn’t make his meals because he was always rejecting my food each time he went on such outings. We were more like housemates now, we didn’t spend time together again. 

How do I know I need marriage counselling?/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

Our lack of interest in each other spilt into our sexual life. We no more had sex. I was no more sexually attracted to him, and neither was he to me. When we got married at first, we were like animals on heat, my husband just had to take me anyhow and anywhere. I revelled in it because it made me feel wanted. I was also conscious to spice what we had, I put more effort into my body and dressing up and the man I married did not fail to notice and appreciate it. Now, it’s like two enemies being having sex; impossible.

We had sex almost every day, and afterwards, we would talk about our day. We shared our successes and our struggles too. He would comfort me most times if I had a bad day at work and I did the same for him too. When I was promoted, he took me out to celebrate my promotion. Two years down the line, I told him about my new promotion and he shrugged, nothing hurt more than that and since then I promised myself not to talk to him about anything again.

When do I need marriage counseling?

We got tired and I started seeing a man. I was falling in love with him already. He was everything that I wanted in a man and what my husband was not.  My sister found out, when she heard what had been happening in my marriage and the new guy in the picture. She booked me a therapist at Mildstrings and I started going for therapy sessions, I invited my husband and he obliged me. 

The therapy session was the best thing that had ever happened to us. The sessions gave us some time to think about our marriage and how each of us had contributed to its downfall. We owned to our mistakes and started working on our marriage with the help of our therapist.

 A year after, we were able to recover our love life but this time, there was much more clarity and more maturity. I am grateful that my sister introduced me to mildstrings. I nearly lost something beautiful and I am glad Mildstrings prevented that.

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