I just lay beside my baby crying. I was tired. I want to walk away but what would people say, people would talk and I did not want to be at the receiving end of their razor sharp mouth. I wept silently because I was married to a mummy’s boy. How do I deal with a mama’s boy?
How to deal with a mama’s boy. Wife material
Marriage had always been on the list of my priorities. I wanted to be married to someone who would love me and my children. In light of that, I groomed myself to be the best wife possible. Character-wise, I ensured to work on my imperfections. As against the popular trend that women are not supposed to submit, I held on to my belief that women are supposed to be submissive. I feared that if I joined the bandwagon I might lose a good man.
It looked futile because it seemed all my efforts did not attract the kind of men I wanted. I was not asking for too much, just a young man that was responsible, had good ideals and was comfortable. The universe was clearly against me because I did not understand why on earth I did not meet men with this basic standard. I was twenty-six and getting desperate. I made up my mind to marry the next man I met. I just wanted to be married.
How to deal with a mama’s boy. Light in the tunnel
I met Shina, eye candy, responsible and kind.
I met him during a function that was held by our company. He was clad in a body fitting three-piece suit that left much to the imagination. We clicked immediately and had such a fun time together. He offered to drop me off and when I was about to get down from his car, he took my lips with his. We made out in his car and he expressed his desire to know me more. He didn’t want it to be a one-time thing. I was elated and gave him my number. I walked into my house with a spring to my steps.
I did not believe my luck because just when I was going to give up, I met him. He was everything I wanted in a man. No one can be perfect in which I noticed his fierce love for his mum. How he seemed to bring her up in every conversation that we had. It was warming at first that a grown man would love his mum like that, if anything it indicated how he would take care of me and his children and how he would speak of us to strangers.
Months into our relationship, it started becoming annoying. I considered breaking up with him but I didn’t want to wait for another man. I so desperately wanted to tick marriage off my prayer list. Besides no marriage is perfect so I might as well deal with it, provided he is responsible and provides for me and the children, I don’t have a problem with that. So each time he brought up his mum, I would just ignore and steer the conversation in another direction.
How to deal with a mama’s boy. Validation
He expressed his desire to take me home so I can meet his mother. He mentioned needing her approval before he goes further with me. I did not know how to feel at that statement but I wore my best and went to his mum’s house with him.
I was warmly received by her asking me several questions. By the time I left her house, I knew she approved of me. Shina expressed his desire to marry me and I was quick to say yes.
Big bold red
We started planning our wedding. You could say I dug my pit because I saw all the red flags but turned a blind eye to it because I desperately wanted to be married. He had to run to his mum for everything. His mum insisted that the hall I liked would not be used, it had to be the one she liked. I wanted a certain event planner for the wedding but she did not want that person. She called someone else who made a mess of my big day. I wanted a DJ and she wanted a live band. I don’t want to mention that the band were playing boring songs that people could not dance to. My choice of a photographer was different from hers. The pictures were not as sharp as I wanted them. I was not happy but I pushed it to the back of my mind and masked my feelings. I smiled hard.
Cuffed
The wedding came to an end. My husband and I were supposed to go on a honeymoon. His mother was against it. I was not happy. I had looked forward to that honeymoon. I raised hell over it but my husband could not do anything about it because his mother was against it. I felt resentment in my heart and tried to wish it away. It was not good that I was about to start my marital journey with resentment against my mother in law. I called my mum for support and she hung up on me after telling me she had warned me not to go into that marriage. For the first time, I felt alone.
...so you lie on it
I was lucky to have gotten pregnant a few months after our wedding. My husband and I were excited and as usual, he called his mum to inform her. She expressed her joy and promised to come visiting. I was dreading her presence already.
When she came, she came with baby clothes that my husband had worn when he was newly born. She said I did not need to buy any baby clothes since she had brought me some. I kicked against it, this is my first child, and I wanted the experience to be new. In retaliation, she instructed my husband not to give me money for baby clothes and baby things. I was determined to get my baby new clothes. On the day we went baby shopping, I watched sadly as my mother in law picked out everything that the baby would use. With the little I had with me, I bought new baby clothes and whatever I could afford much to her anger. She raised hell when we came back and Shina supported her.
How to deal with a mama’s boy. Spineless coward
As I advanced in pregnancy I was unable to do somethings anymore. I could not wake up as early again to make my mother in law her pap, she nagged me over it and I angrily told her that I am pregnant and I am not supposed to do anything. A week later, she took over making the meals but she would cook for only her and her son so I had to make my meals myself. It brought tears to my eyes. It was hard. Her son would eat and not ask if I had eaten. I didn’t anticipate it would be as bad as this.
Women would always talk about how their husbands would go to any length to satisfy their cravings. That is not my case because my husband would not want to leave the house without the permission of his mother. If I had a craving, she would tell my husband not to go anywhere even if it was in the evening.
How to deal with a mama’s boy. No way home
When it was time to have my baby, I had talked to my husband about having your kids outside before we got married and he eagerly agreed with me. A month to when I was to have my child, he told me his mum had kicked against it. She wanted the child to be born in Nigeria. I went to her and talked to her about the importance of having our child abroad. It was a fruitless effort because she did not agree with me. It was not as if we did not have the money, my husband was comfortable if not rich. I wanted this, I was depressed. I wanted my child to have foreign citizenship but due to my desperation, I denied my child of that single luxury.
I finally had the child in a hospital I did not like. She refused for me to get a nanny. She insisted I take care of the child myself. I did not enjoy pregnancy and childbirth because my mother in law lived with us. I asked my husband to get me a car so I don’t have to be jumping buses with my baby. I didn’t mind if it was second hand. My husband had to run it by his mother who refused with the claim that she did not have a car during her own time so I don’t need it. Resentment towards the spineless man I married and his mother was over the roof.
I wish I could leave, that woman has become a permanent fixture in our home. I am just tired of everything. My child is my only joy.
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