Do you think you can change your wife? Think again. How do you deal with a partner whose main problem is the inability to control their anger? I saw this red flag and I thought I could deal with it until my life was threatened. I took a drastic step to deal with my short-tempered wife, what step did I take? Read to find out.
Cupid and his bow
I am in the school cafeteria eating and I see her walking in, a glorious combination of beauty, hair, ass, and legs.
I am sure my jaw must be touching my food. In awe of her, my spoon clatters to the floor attracting attention but she does not notice.
She is busy smiling and conversing with her friend. I pick up my spoon and continue eating albeit watching her like a leopard waiting to pounce.
A few minutes later, it’s obvious I’ve lost appetite for the food.
She leaves her friend in the cafeteria and walks out without ordering anything.
I clumsily stand, gather my things, and rush after her. I don’t call her attention till I am close to her, some of these girls do not like people calling them anyhow.
I don’t want to blow my chances so I speed up my walk and come abreast of her.
How to deal with a short-tempered wife… A bold confession
“Hey”, I say.
She replies and smiles, “hello”.
For a minute, I am shell shocked, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
I have always been shy but today I am going to gather all the courage I need to ask this one out.
“Wow you look so beautiful, I can tell you are the mother of my children”, She laughs.
“Did I say that loud? I say with mortification. She laughs some more.
I quickly recoup and introduce myself as David. She gives me her name. Her name is Amanda. A short form of Chimamanda.
Somehow, the conversation takes a turn. The first thing I notice, she is a great conversationalist.
I don’t have to go over the top, she is also interested in me. I walk her to her hostel and we spend some minutes more, not wanting to walk away from each other.
It’s hard to part but I take solace in the fact that we’ve exchanged contact.
I ask for permission to hug her and to my surprise, she agrees.
I enclose her in my arms, glad that I am a foot taller than her with my head above her head.
I hold her, not too tight, not too loose. I bend my head down to her ears and whisper huskily into her ears.
“You are my wife. I mean it. We are both in the 100 level but I know in my heart you are my wife. I might have said it by mistake the first time but Chimamanda, you are my wife”.
I feel her shiver in my arms and I hold her some more.
I fight everything within me not to let her go. I bid her goodbye and watch her go into her hostel.
You are not here…
The sway of her hips has blood running down my nether regions. I caution myself, turn away, and walk away sparingly to my hostel.
I get into my room and the first thing I do is kneel and lift my hands. I thank my stars for not failing me today. I have never been bold enough to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. My courage had always failed me.
I think about her. I throw caution to the wind and call her that night. We talk some more and by the time we end the conversation, I confirm she is also interested in me.
My joy knows no bounds.
I sleep with thoughts of her and wake up with thoughts of her.
I send her a lovely text and a few minutes later she calls me.
We talk some more and suddenly I find myself in a sour mood. She notices my voice and asks. I tell her I am not happy because she was not beside me when I woke up. It’s the corniest line ever but I don’t mind.
This sends her into fits of laughter. I am glad that I can make her laugh. They say women love men who make them laugh.
It’s a beautiful morning by the time I end the call.
Mad over you…
I go around my daily activities with thoughts of her on my mind. In no time, I manage to wriggle my way into her life and her circle.
Our faculties are near each other. I belong to the faculty of Economics, studying accounting while she belongs to the faculty of Social Sciences studying public administration.
Her faculty is farther than mine, so I have made it a point of duty to walk her down to her faculty before walking back to mine.
After a month, I can’t resist the urge to ask her out and so I ask her to come to my room as is the usual practice.
The way to her heart
I make a nice meal of stir fry spaghetti with chicken dipped in sauce. I mutter a silent prayer for mum who did not allow me to shy away from kitchen duties. I quickly take a shower and spray some perf to smell nice. She comes in and as usual, she looks as angelic as ever. She smiles, mutters greetings, kicks off her shoes, and makes herself comfortable on the student mattress against the wall.
She leans further in and rests her back against the wall.
I give her my writing board to place on her lap.
It’s my first time inviting her for a meal. I dish the food out to her and when she digs in her eyes widen the size of saucers.
I would have taken a picture to capture the moment, deep inside me, I am pleased.
Who said the way to a woman’s heart is not good food.
She compliments me, polishes off the plate, and asks for more. I serve her more. I love a woman who can eat.
She clears the pot and I who is still on my first serving end up sharing my food with her.
When she is done eating, she plops back down into the bed. She belches.
She closes her eyes and I can sense her embarrassment. I am quick to tell her that it’s okay. It pleases me, if anything, it shows that I have filled her up and she is satisfied.
Let me have you in my arms….please be mine
We talk for a while, and I keep hesitating on hitting the nail on the head. We keep talking about anything and everything, in which she stands, sits, kneels and I am just lying down looking at her as she owns the room like hers.
At the end of six hours.
She expresses her desire to go home and I am gripped with fear.
We both stand up and I know it’s now or never. “Amanda, please be my girlfriend?
She stops in her tracks and looks back at me. I must be a mess right now, I am looking at her puppy-eyed whilst fidgeting.
Pop the question… And yes, I do
She smiles and in what seems like a dream, she says, “yes”
Elation courses through my veins, I take less than two steps towards her, pick her up and whirl her around.
Delighted sounds of laughter make their way out of her lungs. I rest her on her feet, her hands are still on my shoulders, and she is breathing heavily while trying to contain her laughter.
She is so beautiful, in one moment, she is crushed against my chest. We stay like that for a long time. I like that she can hear my heart beating wildly behind my lungs.
“I love you”, I say.
“I love you”, she replies.
I hold her at arm’s length and draw her back into my arms. She is perfection and I am unworthy. She draws herself away from me and I groan at the loss of contact.
She stands on her tippy toes and places a kiss on my lips.
The world seems to have stopped. She hides her face in my neck and I can feel her lips there.
I hold her face and kiss her thoroughly, it’s crazy the intensity of my feelings for her. I have never felt this way before and it scares me.
I tilt my head to get a better angle, she has given me control. She stays pliant in my arms and I bring her close. I want to feel every part of her.
She begins to breathe heavily and I feel the same in my breathing too. I slow down and kiss her lazily.
A few minutes later, I draw her away from me. Her chest heaves steadily, her eyes are dilated and her lips are swollen.
She smiles and hides her face in my neck again. I resist the urge to bend my head to her neck and nibble there.
I smile, my heart is full.
There is nothing more to wish for, I have perfection in my arms already.
We manage to make it out of my room. I walk her back to her hostel, as is my custom.
Under a big mango tree, I hug her again, this time without her permission. I bring my lips very close to her ears and whisper, “Girlfriend”, “girl lover”.
She holds me tighter and rises on her toes to whisper in my ears, “Boyfriend, boy lover, mine, completely mine”.
We smile at each other. It’s the cheesiest thing ever but it’s as though we are in a world of our own.
We finally bid each other goodbye. And so it continues, our starry-eyed love.
A flaw…A greater love
Till the day I realized she has anger issues.
She was friends with a guy, I did not like. He wanted her for himself. I told her several times to cut communication with the guy but she refused.
I see her chatting with the guy on a particular day. I realize I am jealous and cannot take it anymore.
I walk up to her and put my hands around her neck to mark my territory.
She clearly reads the anger in my eyes and quickly dismisses the guy after a brief introduction.
We walk back into her room and I tell her I don’t want the guy around her.
The tide seems to have turned against me so quickly when she starts shouting at me and calling me an idiot.
I am hurt and she can see it. I walk out of her room back to mine.
She visits hours after and apologizes. We enjoy another round of kisses and smooches without getting to third base. And so this continues for four years. Fits of anger over the smallest issues, flaring up at the slightest provocation. Calling me unprintable names such as idiot, useless, foolish.
Being calm, most times I am unable to reply her so I walk out. She later comes around and apologizes, followed by some intense make-out sessions and other things she does to make me soft and fall all over again.
At the end of the four years, we have become the most popular couple in school. Graduating and serving in different states did not diminish our love for each other.
We move back to our base and start working whilst dating.
I am offered a job at a small company as an accountant and I accepted it. She gets a job as a receptionist in a company and she takes it.
We are elated.
We begin to make plans for marriage.
You keep me coming
Three years later, I go see her parents, they don’t waste time reminding me of her anger issues and tongue.
They advise me to leave her but I insist on marrying her. They are shocked but approve of me.
I introduce her to my family too and they like her.
We begin wedding plans in earnest. She has another fit of anger over the wedding price quote, and I sit her down to tell her that I cannot bear to continue with her fits of anger.
She says she is sorry and she would change in marriage.
Had I known…
We get married a year later amidst difficulties here and there. I had borrowed to pay back for some of the things used at the wedding.
This put us in a bit of financial difficulty as I have to pay back. We can’t afford to fill our generator with fuel whenever the electricity company takes the light.
We are left with the mosquitoes. Our financial difficulty begins to take a toll on our marriage and soon, we begin having issues. Her fits of anger seem to have gotten worse.
She loses her job and I am the one managing the entire household with my meager salary. I ask her to start a business instead of staying at home and doing nothing so she can help out with the bills, she becomes angry at why a graduate like her will do business.
Her anger graduates to smashing things against the wall.
Sometimes when it is more than I can bear, I walk out of the house.
At some point, she smashes the TV in a fit of anger and each time she would apologize.
She becomes pregnant and we are elated.
Her anger now involves her holding the collar of my shirt and trying to goad me into beating her.
I don’t give in to her desire.
Most times neighbors come to separate us and I go stay at a friend’s house till the next day.
Help…I need help
I call her parents into this. They remind me of their advice but promise to help. They are sympathetic and honest people. Her father borrows me some money to pay back the loan. He is kind enough to ask me to pay back whenever I can.
Her mom comes to stay with us for a while to advise her daughter. My family comes to know that my wife has anger issues and they try to help but it is to no avail.
She has given birth.
I am glad I did not lay my hand on her while she was pregnant. I breathe a sigh of relief and hope that her fits of anger would reduce now that she is a mother.
I save up 100,000 naira for her to start a catering business. She outrightly rejects it and says it’s my responsibility to provide.
This continues for seven years, by this time we have two other children. She begins to transfer her anger to the children. She beats them like thieves.
At this point, I can’t take it anymore. I won’t have her beating my kids that way again. I won’t beat her either.
I tell her the best thing is for us to divorce.
This does not sober her up. It makes her angrier. She says it’s over her dead body she will give me a divorce. Divorce does not run in her family.
She insults me in the presence of my children and this makes me shed tears in secret. I can’t touch her anymore, this is not the woman I married.
How to deal with a short-tempered wife
Eating at home with her is a problem. We are now housemates. Since I can’t afford to move out, I move into the children’s room to protect my sanity.
My health is already affected. My BP is on the high side. My younger brother finishes his NYSC and is lucky to gain a good job.
How to deal short-tempered wife… A drastic step
From his salary, he got a two-bedroom apartment and I beg to move in with him.
He knows what I am going through in the hands of my wife and he allows me to take one room.
In two months, my health is better. Moving out was the best decision I made. Even though my wife rained uncountable insults on me. My kids were crying but I just had to move out before I die prematurely.
I go see the children from my brother’s house and sometimes Amanda would refuse me entry until the kids start to cry and neighbors have to prevail over her to allow me to see them.
She comes to my brother’s house and insults him at the top of her voice, calling him a home breaker. I continued to take care of my kids so they don’t lack.
Love always costs a thing_Self development
It’s nine months. While sitting outside on the verandah of my brother’s house. I see Amanda coming. I am not in the mood today for her insults, so I run inside and lock the door.
I expect her to bang on the door as usual. She does not. Rather, I hear a crying woman.
I look through the window and I see her crying.
She begs me to open the door. I am scared but she assures me that she is not here for trouble.
I open the door to meet her on her knees. She is asking for forgiveness. ” baby, I am sorry for all I have done to you and our children. I love you, please come back home. I have realized my mistake and cannot do without you”.
I am flustered but I manage to find my voice,” Mandy, I am sorry I cannot come back to you. I can’t face your anger again and your laziness.
” I have booked an appointment with a therapist, she helping me with my anger issues. I have also gotten some money for the catering business. I just want you to come back home”.
I was skeptical but I was going to give her the benefit of doubt. I was not going to leave my peace of mind like that.
“Alright, I will come back, I know you but continue with the therapy and the business. When I see how far you have progressed, I will come back”.
She is not satisfied, she desires me to return home with her immediately but I can’t. I persuade her to leave and after some time, she leaves.
I don’t know how to feel about her change. I still love her as much as when we first met. I am going to give this a try and see how far it goes.
After seven months, I see she is changing gradually. I notice she is serious about wanting to fix her mistakes in our marriage.
Her catering business is doing well. She has been coming to beg me and has included her family members.
I was able to deal with my short temperd wife by giving her a break
It’s not easy for me to forget the trauma she caused me but I love my kids and do not want to be apart from them.
After 18 months of leaving, I return home. Therapy has helped my wife learn how to manage her anger.
Rather than insulting me, hitting the kids, or smashing things. She would lock herself in a room, scream or punch the pillows. Sometimes, she would walk out.
Her catering business is doing better and she is making significant contributions to the household. We are happier now, and she is happy too. We have some bad days but it’s manageable.
Better than the former.
It’s 11 years today and I am happily married to Amanda, still in love with her as ever.