if you are reading this you are probably thinking of having a second wife or looking for how to find one. So, are you looking for a second wife? Well, a second wife could be the woman you marry after divorcing your first wife.
A second wife could be the woman you marry after the death of your first wife. And, a second wife could be the woman you marry while still in a marital relationship with your first wife
This article is for men in the third category. If you are a Muslim, you may want to marry more than one wife. This is not a sin because Islam permits it. However, there are steps you must take to ensure you do the right thing.
Although there are several reasons why a man would want to take a second wife. even though Polygyny is very much accepted in Islam but some reasons may include
- To avoid adultery.
- Get a safe haven from a troublesome first wife
- want a large family
- inability to have kids with his first wife
- Pregnancy and acceptance, e.t.c, and so on
How you marry a second wife is not different from how you married your first wife. But you must ensure you are not only physically ready for polygamy but also financially and psychologically prepared and capable. Polygyny in Islam is not obligatory. It is only for those who are capable of meeting Allah’s demands.
Things you must be ready to do before going into polygyny:
- You must be ready to treat your wives equally
- You must be financially, spiritually, and mentally prepared to maintain the family
These two things are very important. Allah forbids being inclined to one wife more than the other. Also, it is necessary that a Muslim who wants to marry a second wife be able to provide drinking, feeding, clothing, and other expenses for the family.
Things to be sure of before making up your mind about marrying a second wife
- Your decision
- If polygyny is acceptable in your country or culture
Polygyny demands a lot. Be sure you really have what it takes before venturing into it. Trust me, you do not want to make a decision you will later regret.
And it is necessary you know if your country of residence permits polygyny before you marry a second wife, especially if you are an immigrant in that country. Most countries, especially the Western countries, do not allow polygyny because they practice monogamy which can be identified with their Christian culture. You can be prosecuted if you try to marry a second wife in any of such countries.
Let me help you with the list of the countries that allow polygamy as of when this article was written. You may want to read this article: countries where polygamy is legal.
What should you do if you are not living in a country where polygyny is allowed:
- Migrate
- Go back to your country (if it is allowed in it)
If you find yourself in a country that does not allow polygyny and you want to practice it, you should consider migrating to a country where it is not prohibited by the law or go back to your country where it is allowed.
The qualities you should be looking for in a woman you want to marry:
- Piety
- Chastity
- Obedience
- Tolerance
- Cleanliness
- Love, etc.
It is very important that as a Muslim, you marry a Muslim sister, a Muslima devoted to the same religion as you. This will help you build a family that is obedient to the words of Allah (SWT) and His Prophet (SAW). A wrong choice can lead your whole family away from the path of your religion.
As a Muslim, you do not want to marry just any woman. She must be chaste and honorable. Only that kind of woman brings honor to her husband and family.
Having more than one wife as a Muslim can be so frustrating if the woman you marry is not obedient. You should lookout for a Muslima that is obedient—someone who will not be a problem to your first wife. Find a woman that understands polygyny and is willing to play her part well in your family. She must be capable of adapting to her polygamous family.
Cleanliness is an important aspect of Islam. Find a woman that will not give you any problems that will affect your religious life in this aspect.
However, all are not complete if there is no love. Try as much as possible to marry a woman that loves you. Even if the marriage is arranged, try to show her how much you love and appreciate her. Try to win her love. You do not want to marry a woman who thinks her marriage to you is a mistake.
Ways to find a second wife:
- Notice the women in your locality more
- Join a social group to get connected to women
- Ask close friends and family members to introduce you to the woman
- Return home to get married
- Let your family plan an arranged marriage for you
You should notice the women in your local mosque more. Look out for new faces among them and be more conversant with them in a manner that is acceptable.
You should consider joining social groups, dating, and matchmaking sites. Noblemarriage and Secondwife are good examples of such websites.
If you cannot approach the woman yourself, you can ask any of your close friends or family members to introduce you to the woman. This is more formal. But some men prefer approaching women themselves. There is no sin in this. Be confident.
If you cannot find a woman in the country you are living as a migrant, you may return home to get a second wife. You can ask your family to plan an arranged marriage for you. Some Islamic countries still practice arranged marriage. If you still do in your country, you should consider going back to your country.
Steps to marry a second wife:
- Get a broker or an intermediary.
You will need the service of a broker or an intermediary. But there is much more to what he will do than being a mere broker. He will be the one to guide you to make a wise choice of the woman you should marry. The woman should have someone to guide her as well, so she does not make a wrong decision out of emotional attachment.
Having an adviser for a man is not an obligatory requirement. It is obligatory for a lady who has not married before. This means that a widow or a divorced woman could take decisions for herself because she has already experienced marriage.
- Proposal and Acceptance(Ijab and Qubul)
The supposed husband will pay the woman’s bride price.
- There must be Shu’d (witnesses) at their union
- There must be Waliyy from both families
After taking these steps, your union is complete. May Allah bless your new marriage.
