How To Fix an Abusive Relationship

by Ben Danor

Abusive or toxic relationships are no doubt harmful and affect victims in several ways. The decision to fix an abusive relationship is left over to you, you can fix it if you think it is worth it. However, if it’s too much and you don’t think your partner will turn a new leaf, it’s best to quit such a relationship. Ladies have also been discovered to experience domestic violence more, 1 out of 4 women have experienced domestic violence according to a study

Many people ask, should I fix an abusive relationship? The ball is in your court and you are the best person to make that decision. You know what you have experienced in the relationship, that puts you in the best position to decide whether to fix the abusive relationship or quit. 

That being said, you need to ensure that your partner also wants to fix the abusive relationship if you want it to work as planned. Fixing an abusive relationship without your Partner’s consent and willingness will bring no difference. It can give off a hint that the relationship is not working afterall.

You must have noticed a sense of remorse from them if you want to give fixing the abusive relationship another shot. 

Keep in mind that some abusive partners would hurt their victims and still come back to apologize. They show remorse but this doesn’t guarantee them not repeating the shameful act. I bet you don’t want to fix an abusive relationship only to go back to your partner controlling you and getting violent at every little thing. 

This is why you should review your decision to fix an abusive relationship, think about it well before making a decision. 

How To Fix an Abusive Relationship

Can An Abusive Relationship Be Fixed?

Here is a question people ask a lot, an abusive relationship can be fixed. However, it depends on the level the abuse has reached. If it reaches some extent, the relationship is beyond repair, but if it is tackled early, it can be fixed

There are several cases of couples who battled domestic violence and were still able to sort things out. It turns out that they lived happily ever after. 

However, both parties must be very interested and  ready to make things work out. The abuser must be more willing to right their wrongs and must be ready to drop their violent behaviors. 

How To Fix an Abusive Relationship

If you have decided to forgive your abusive partner and fix the relationship, here is how to fix an abusive relationship. 

1. Tell Your Partner How You Feel

Schedule a meeting with your partner and calmly tell them how you feel. You should talk to them calmly because they might not go easy on you if you vent your anger at them. 

Ensure you use the First person “I” to express your feelings to your partner as it may help lower their defenses. 

It is also an indication that you are taking charge of your feelings. Here’s an example: “I feel unloved when you scream at me on little things”. It is essential both parties openly communicate their expectations in the relationship. 

2. Find Out The Unhealthy Part of The Relationship

You need to know the source of a problem you want to solve, right? The next thing to do is figure out what part of the relationship is abusive to know where to work on. 

You should have a therapist assist you with this process because it’s hard to differentiate between what part is healthy and unhealthy when you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time. 

When you know where the problem is, you’re a step away from solving it. 

3. The Abusive Party Should Admit Their Mistake

You can’t fix an abusive relationship if the perpetrator is not ready to admit their mistake and flaws. A relationship like that is not even worth fixing. 

They need to accept they have made a mistake and should be ready to do anything required to fix the relationship. If they are not ready to accept this, there’s no point in fixing the relationship. 

You also need to know that it is one thing to make a promise, it is another to fulfill the promises. You need to be convinced that they have turned a new leaf. 

They might change for a while probably to get you to stay– then go back to their former self after a while. If you notice they are striving to get better everyday, join forces with them to overcome it. 

4. Consult a Therapist

To make the process more effective, ensure a therapist is there during your discussion. In fact, both of you should see a therapist before getting back together. You need a neutral body to judge matters. 

Even when things are going well in the relationship, you still need to visit a therapist occasionally. This is because it is easy for abusive partners to go back to their old habits. 

The relationship needs frequent counseling and the abusive partner might need to take some anger management classes. 

5. Be Sure You Have Healed And Forgiven Them

If you were once abused by your partner, it is normal to resent them. However, be sure you have forgiven them before opening a new chapter with them. If you haven’t forgiven them, those old chapters will affect the new ones and I bet you don’t want to see that happen. 

Ensure you are still not stuck with the trauma of what they did to you. You might need therapy to achieve this. With the help of a professional, you can let go of any form of resentment you have for your partner. 

After you have forgiven the abuser and you have healed, the next thing to do is rebuild self esteem and bring back trust. It will take you some time to achieve this. 

This process is not restricted to when you want to fix an abusive relationship, you need it when moving to another relationship. Even if you are no longer dating the abuser, you need to forgive them and heal. 

This is the only way you can have a healthy relationship in the future. Taking the pain and resentment gathered in your previous abusive relationship into your new relationship is a bad idea.

6. Rebuild Self-esteem And Trust

When people are in a relationship with an abusive partner, their self-esteem is usually affected. They feel they are not good enough and will never be good enough. It shows in other aspects of their lives, they will always think their friends are better than them. 

You also need to get out of your head those bad things your abusive partner said about you. See yourself as the best!

Trust is another key thing to work on while fixing an abusive relationship. Who trusts an abusive partner? Absolutely nobody! It is no big deal if you don’t trust them, they need to prove to you that they deserve to be trusted. 

You should work on rebuilding trust as your relationship might not survive if trust is absent.

How To Fix an Abusive Relationship

Final Words

It is not often advised to stay in abusive relationships as it affects the victim’s mental health and can ruin future relationships. This is why you should think twice before accepting back an abusive partner. 

You should also keep in mind that fixing an abusive relationship is possible, it’s just that it requires a lot and couples are not ready to give it what it takes. 

If both parties are ready to fix the abusive relationship, things can go back to normal and you might enjoy that same Relationship that made you cry.

Seek professionals to walk you through this journey, this is the secret to fixing an abusive relationship successfully. Ensure the abuser is also prepared to drop those bad habits, this is the only way it can work for both of you. 

Never try to fix an abusive relationship because you love your partner and can’t imagine how living without them would look. You should fix the abusive relationship because the abuser is ready to make changes and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 

If you are trying to fix your abusive relationship but it turns out you both are making no progress, quit the relationship. Especially if your partner changed at first but later went back to their leftovers. 

They might even manipulate you into thinking you are the one that needs help why they play the victim. For your sanity and for your future, quit that abusive relationship. 

Not all relationships are meant to work and an abusive relationship should be a no-go area if you love yourself.  We believe this article has enlightened you about everything you need to know when fixing an abusive relationship, please share if you find it helpful.  

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Have you ever fixed an abusive relationship? Do you think abusive relationships deserve to be fixed? Please share your opinions with us in the comments section. 

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