How to get over a bad heartbreak?

by Onyinye Ogbuka

How to get over a bad heartbreak?

It was like a dream two years ago when she called me and said she was tired of our relationship and wants to move on.

I was shocked.

I thought she was joking and I laughed it off.  When she maintained her sombre expression, I was alarmed. She was not joking, I thought to myself. She repeated herself and I asked her why.  Her only reason was that she was tired. I had never felt something worse than the terrible onslaught of fear that threatened to gouge out my eyes.

She meant business. I did not know when I got down on my knees and held her by the waist. She was looking sideways, she was not looking at me.  I begged her with all my heart and promised her heaven and earth. I was begging her while frantically searching for reasons or whatever I might have done that would make her want to break up with me. She refused, and when she left, I felt the world coming down on me. I was about to go mad. I had to tell someone, I called my buddy and he came over, he helped calm me down. 

When my buddy left, it felt like heartbreak all over. I felt lonelier than ever before and I spent so much time crying.  I had never cried so much in my life. 

I was numb, I found it difficult to move on. Life had suddenly lost meaning. Previously, I would look at the future and would shake my legs in giddy anticipation. After our breakup, I looked at the future and it was like staring into endless space of darkness. My buddy and his wife were a strong support system but I was losing it. I decide to go see a therapist who would help me heal.

How to get over a bad heartbreak?

The first day with the therapist, I ranted and raved. I was annoyed and the therapist was there to allow me let it out.

I loved her so much. I could give everything I had just so that she would not leave me.

My therapist allowed me to rant many times and afterwards, I cried. It was strange to see a man cry to a woman who was a stranger but I could do that because she gave off that non-judgemental-I-am here-for -you vibe. She helped me and told me to allow myself to feel everything. She encouraged me to rant some more if I wanted to. I did several times and each time I was spent from ranting we would take about how I could move forward.

How to get over a bad heartbreak?/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

How to get over a bad relationship

In five months, I no more ranted or cried. It had become some sort of dull ache. At this point, my therapist advised that I delete every trace of her from my life. It was difficult to comprehend but I was able to do it. I felt empty when I removed some of her belongings that were in my house. With time, I started getting used to her absence.

I blocked her on all my social media channels and blocked her number. I needed to heal and did not want my healing process to be interrupted.

How to get over a bad breakup

I had to get my support systems around me and that included my brother, my sister and my buddy. They were there to comfort me and console me. I intimated to them about my every progress and they were supportive.

With their encouragement and the instruction of my therapist. I made a list of all the things that I would not miss about her, she had her flaws and I had to list them and when I did, I was relieved. I did not feel so bad anymore. It helped me by a long shot. 

I was determined to get over her and so I took on a new hobby and that was chess. I joined a chess club and learnt how to play chess. I love chess so much now. 

How long does it take to get over a heartbreak

It has been over two years and I can’t think of what would have happened if Mildstrings had helped me heal. Mildstrings helped bring me back on track. I am so grateful for that. 

I am ready to love again.

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