How to know a good woman? Will she abandon you if you fail?

by Onyinye Ogbuka
How to know a good woman?/mildstrings/Facebook

How do you know a good woman? She is far above riches and gold. You can call yourself a good woman but your mindset is what will determine if you are good woman. Your mindset reveals it self during hard times. Something went wrong and my quality as a good woman was tested, what happened?

How to know a good woman _A hole in the ship.

“Baby, what is wrong, and why are you here? You should be with the kids in the sitting room o”, I called from the entrance of our bedroom.

No reply came from him and I moved closer. I was puzzled.

He was sitting on our bed with his head bent and shoulders, depressingly drooped.

I strode towards him and knelt before him.

His lips were moving, he was holding back his tears. I held him tight and that seemed to trigger his tears. He wrapped his arms around me, hid his face in the crook of my neck, and cried in my arms. 

I was in despair but I comforted him.

I was later going to find out that his friend had duped him of the loan we took out to expand our business.

My heart sank into my stomach, I was managing some of our shops but it hit him harder than I.

I was afraid for us, afraid for our future. I held him tight, we spent some time on the floor lost in our individual thoughts.

I left him to go put the kids to sleep so we could join heads together to salvage the situation at hand.

We sat together on the bed and discussed far into the night.

We reached some conclusions: first; get the force to trace his friend, second; talk to his family, third; well, we had to see what we could do with one and two first.

How to know a good woman _ A sunk ship

By the next week, there was no hope of tracing him; his friend who had duped him of our money was not in Nigeria, he had gone abroad. There was nothing we could do about that. His family members denied knowledge of his whereabouts. Arresting his family members was not going to solve the problems we had at hand.

Our biggest problem was paying back the loan. We had taken out the loan in hope that we would pay back within six months. We had to sell off some of our cars and our lands. The money was not enough to cover the loan. We worked hard to the best of our ability.

Six months came and we were unable to pay up. The banks gave us an extension to pay our debts but we could not meet up, the interest was piling up. Our friends and families rallied round to help. Their help was like a drop in the ocean of money we were owing.

The bank seized our shops sold it.

We lived in a rented bungalow and we were unable to pay the rent, pay our children’s school fees talk more of feeding.

How to know a good woman _From grace to grass

We had to move to the village to have a roof over our head.

My husband his lost his drive for success in life. 

Whenever I brought up the issue of him starting again no matter how small, he would get angry and aggressive. He would say all he has worked for has gone down the drain.

We moved to the village so he could find his feet, now that he has lost the will to live how would he even begin to his feet again.

He was drowning in his grief.

How to know a good woman?/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

Stolen dreams

Many times, he would go to the beer parlor in some of the joints in our village and drink. He would make his way back home staggering and would end up vomiting when he came back home. I would be the one to clean him up and put him to bed while crying. It hurt so much.

My man was wasting before my eyes, this was someone who each time he spoke of his plans to do big things, there would be sparkles in his eyes. He would look at me lovingly and say, ” babym, I know we have not gotten there, but I swear, I will take care of you and our children”. 

For better for worse

I would try to get him to touch me. I desired my husband but he was unable to get it up. Not that he could not get it up, he was depressed. Sex became a thing of the past. A year passed without my husband touching me. Sometimes, I would cry at night out of frustration. 

A thousand times, I had thought of walking away from my marriage but I always remembered the vows I made in the presence of God to my husband. I had men making advances on me. They wanted a relationship and sex but I could not do it, it was not in my character. My husband was a good man before life happened to him, it was only right that I remained faithful to him even though things had gone bad.

Sometimes he would not want to talk to me; we would go as long as a week without having a conversation and I wouldn’t care. I was frustrated, did he forget I was a woman.

I was also the one taking care of our kids, one was 5 years old and the other was 3 years old.

It was tiring seeing my husband like this but I could not blame him. What happened was not his fault, that life happened was not his fault. My kids were underfed. Since my husband had lost the will to live, what happened to me.

How to know a good woman_ A step

I tried cracking my head on how I could make money, then I had lightbulb moment. I knew how to cook; while we were in the city, my husband’s friends would come around to eat and would hail my excellent culinary skills.  They had always said I should open a restaurant but I waved it aside because I was busy managing one of my husband’s shop.

Since I had this skill, I decided to start cooking. I made rice and stew with the small amount of money I had and carried it to the market on my head to sell.

How to know a good woman_Something possible

My food was delicious, I sold out on the first day and made a gain of one thousand naira. By the end of the first week I made five thousand naira. I was motivated to do more, I invested my profit into my catering business and made double of what I made the previous week. 

I added other menus to what I was selling and my growth was sporadic. My husband started helping me mind my kids. He was happy that at least money was coming in even if it was not from him. In 6 months, I was making about 100 thousand naira to 200 thousand naira per month.

How to know a good woman
How to know a good woman

How to know a good woman _Tough times don’t last

I got a space in the market to start a small restaurant. I hired helpers and got everything ready. The business of feeding people is quite lucrative. I was able to save up to one million naira.

I took this money and gave my husband. He refused at first saying he should be the one doing all these things. I pleaded with him to take the money, go back to the city and start again. I reminded him of the vows I made on our wedding day to be his helper.

He started crying and I could not help but join him in his tears, it had been a trying time for us. We held each other and cried our hearts out. There was a flicker of light at the edge of the tunnel and we were really near that light. For the first time since things went bad, we had a conversation long into the night and talked about his plans for the city.

My husband went back to the city, this time he had learned his lesson. He stayed with a friend and started hustling again. It was not much but he was making progress.

Once in two weeks, he would come back to the village to see us. A year after, he came back and moved us to the city. He had rented a two-bedroom flat for us. Leaving my restaurant was a hard decision, but my husband was able to convince me, and he assured of me of success in the city.

A new beginning

We moved to the city and beside his shop, my husband got me a place where I could sell my food. It was hard at first but I scaled  through.

It been 10 years now together. My husband has made much progress. We have bought a land and we are currently building our first house. We are happy and our kids are doing well. We are doing well in our various businesses. 

Hard times happened, and I am glad I did not abandon him. He is grateful for my tenacity, he doesn’t joke with me and values my opinion so much. He says I was the one who made him have something to live for again.

It’s beautiful and I am happy we are still together.


Related Posts

Leave a Comment