How to overcome low self esteem?

by Onyinye Ogbuka

How to overcome low self esteem?

It started when I was in secondary school and I was always winking at every boy in my class. Some of them had girlfriends and even the single boys were not even asking me out. 

I had this untamable desire to be a guy’s girlfriend. When I got tired I started dressing a tad provocative to school. It got me the attention that I needed and I gloried in it. I started throwing myself at one of the big boys in my class, he had a girlfriend but I did not care. We dated much to the anger of his girlfriend that accosted me and threatened to beat me up. I did not back down, I faced her and we fought dirty.

When she was tired of it all, she left me with her boyfriend. I had this uncontrollable desire to be validated by a man. It was not long afterwards that my boyfriend started cheating on me.

I moved on with another and that was how I continued with other guys till I got into the university. Being at the university unhinged me. I was always throwing myself at all the guys. I craved love but I was not getting it. I thought throwing myself at guys was going to get me the love that I wanted but it did work that way. Most of them used me for sex, they only wanted sex but there was no commitment involved. 

I graduated and somehow I started gravitating toward married men. I could not stop myself and those that looked like they had my time were only married men.

Each time I went out I made always made sure to be the centre of attraction. I do everything to attract attention to myself. I dress provocatively most times just to get attention.

How to overcome low self esteem?

Immediately a male slightly indicates interest in me, I start touching him inappropriately, and some of these guys freeze up and excuse themselves, some of them go on talking and exchange the gesture. Most times, I end up suggesting sex to them.

When we are done with sex, they move on without looking back and this leaves me emptier than ever.

My friends did not want to go out on outings with me again. I noticed their hesitancy in introducing me to their boyfriends’ or finances because of how often I am throwing myself at them, I could be desperate at times. I also noticed how they didn’t want to introduce me to their brothers or their male friends. Seeing all these saddened me.

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Finally, a friend suggested that I see a therapist. I was angry that she could suggest such. She explained herself and I decided to give her the benefit of doubt. I booked a therapist at Mildstrings based on her strong recommendations.

I had a series of sessions with the therapist and from our sessions together. I found out I had very low self-esteem due to the way my parents treated me. My father was never around because my mother was a mistress, I grew up watching her throw herself at my father who was seldom around. When my father discontinued paying her attention she turned to other men. I needed to be validated by a man or the presence of a man. I cried when I came to this realization.

The therapist made me start working towards developing myself and my mindset so much that I did not see a need to be validated by a man. It was difficult to get out of that mindset but the day I realized I was free from it, I was elated.

I could finally go out without jumping on any guy. Whatever I did, I did for my self. I really didn’t care now about the opposite gender. My friends somehow started to notice how I wasn’t excited anymore at the presence of a male and commented positively on that. I felt proud of myself.

Thanks to my therapist, I had gotten my self-esteem back and my friends can now be comfortable around me. I am glad that I got therapy.

How to overcome low self-esteem?

  • Get a therapist to help you deal with the root cause of your know self-esteem
  • Change your mindset
  • Work towards being a better version of yourself.

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