There are several reasons responsible for relationships breaking as things did not work out. Breakups are usually unwanted and can be tough on the parties involved.
Recovering could be hard as some may feel the world has been turned over on them and become depressed. A breakup could be in a relationship or marriage. Breakups in marriage can be overcome and managed.
A breakup could lead to depression which could make you ignore friends and loved ones, work, school, and yourself ultimately which can be self-destructive. Love that relationship gives can be addictive hence, it creates a vacuum in its absence. This necessitates the need to overcome breakups, especially in marriage.
The beauty of marriage
Marriage is founded on the premise of a vow or covenant. It is designed for partnership, intimacy, and procreation.
It is mainly made up of two forgivers that have chosen to live together. So marriage is about making choices, hence resolving a broken heart would help overcome a marriage breakup.
No two persons stay together without friction and marriage is not an exception. Marriage is made of persons that may not be perfect, hence your partner is not meant to give you all your expectations as a human. Marriage requires loyalty or faithfulness to the parties involved.
Marriage can give joy, love, and happiness that can only be experienced. This is usually a product of a good or successful marriage. On the other hand, marriage also has the power to bring pain if not properly handled. It is very necessary to be equipped with the right mindset for a marriage relationship and its eventuality.
Marriage is not an achievement but a responsibility. It requires conscious effort and selflessness to attain marriage success.
The pain of a breakup
Breakup is a painful experience no matter the cause. The pain is worse when one party is still interested in the relationship. How a breakup is handled is very important no matter the pain the breakup brings.
Healthy handling of a breakup can bring fast healing. A breakup can be tough to deal with and painful handling. This is because there can be a quest to get unavailable explanations if one party is on the receiving end.
Also, a relationship is an investment loss that could involve time, money, and emotions. The breakup may be hard to deal with as it may cause rejection, low self-esteem, and anger. Have you wondered why one should have such a feeling? Why can’t one just break up and move on?
Then you are in the right place. God made humans with feelings and emotions which can be hurt.
Causes of break up in a marriage
There are diverse reasons why a marriage could breakdown. The breakdown usually results from a series of reoccurring events like:
- Violence: Violence is the number one killer of marriage. It is harmful and can lead to the loss of lives. Violence could be physical, emotional, sexual, financial, etc. A violent person could be quick at apologizing which creates room for another violence in the future. Rebuilding trust after an act of violence requires a lot from the victim. The abuser should seek help from experts to prevent the reoccurrence of such incidence in marriage.
- Communication Gap: Living apart can lead to a breakup as the parties involved can be living separate lives or dual lives. This can lead to growth in different directions. It’s worse if the parties are in different locations that visit is reduced. It is popularly believed that out of sight is out of mind.
- Infidelity: Cheating can be in different forms in a relationship, it can be emotional or physical. Physical infidelity involves having a physical relationship with a sexual partner outside your marriage. Emotional infidelity which may be silent involves having an emotional connection to someone outside your marriage. This could be subtle as the connection can be on social media, phone, email, etc. Infidelity can make you lose connection to your partner. This can lead to a fast breakdown and breakup of your marriage.
How to overcome Breakups
- Get your self-esteem back: Identify your strengths and focus on them. Don’t allow the new circumstance to define you. Believe in yourself that you are not a failure and the event is just a phase that would eventually pass.
- Be outgoing: Avoid secluded places that would make you think and fall into depression. Depression would delay the overcome of breakups. Go out and interact with people about other things and stop hammering about what has just happened.
- Remember the positives: Try to remember the good times you had in the relationship. The vacations, sweet words, and romantic moments. Realize that relationship is not bad in itself.
- Avoid broadcasting it on social media: Social media could set hinder recovery from a breakup. To overcome marriage breakup social media expression should be reduced. Social media can be a great means of hearing negative comments which could affect recovery and cast aspersion by fault-finding. No two relationships can be the same, hence what works for “A” may not work for “B”
- Get Help: If you experienced any form of abuse or violence, the help of experts should be sort to recover from a marriage breakup. Anger and negative emotions may set in when you remember such incidence, hence the need for expert sessions to overcome such negative feelings.
- Don’t rush into a new relationship: Avoid falling into the same mistake, as the vacuum created by the exit of your ex can be easily filled by the wrong person. Don’t rush into a new relationship, so take some time to heal and recover from the hurt. Avoid healing with the wrong person inside you, especially the opposite sex as that could be a potential marriage breakup, which should be avoided.
- Let go of your anger: Don’t allow the anger of the relationship not working to remain in you. It can be destructive, so let it out by saying how you feel.
- Don’t Feel Guilty: It takes two for a relationship to work. Don’t feel guilty or self-pity. Things did not work out. It could have happened to anybody. It’s not enough to end your life at this point.
- Accept the new Normal: Accept your new situation and let your life continue. This is the new you and lets your go on.
Breakup in Marriage
Breakup in marriage could lead to separation or divorce, as not all breakups can lead to a divorce. A marriage separation has not gone through the legal process of separation, hence reunion is possible. Marriage breakup could also involve children.
Supporting Children from Marriage Breakup Trauma
- Counsel them: The memory may be long lasting hence avoid giving them the complete details. Talk with them and try to disabuse their mind. You need both parties to raise the children so avoid painting the other party bad so they can fulfill their role as they are part of the children’s lives.
- Show Love to them: Reassure them that the breakup was not their fault and be optimistic about the future, especially their well-being.
- Create Time for fun: Ease stress and anger by going out and having fun. Create time for memorable moments to ease the tension created by the breakup. Go to parks, playgrounds, cinemas, or visits that would not involve discussing the situation so everybody can unwind.
- Parent Together: The children need both of you to grow. Do not shut the other party completely from their lives as both of you are parents of the children. Co-parenting by the two of you would require the creation of a plan for the children’s emotional life and financial life outside of the conflict. Remember the decision to break up is between the two of you and it should not rub off on the children.