I don’t LIKE my father; He is using my mother.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
I don't like my father/mildstrings/twitter

I don’t like my father; Love they say, is blind. I don’t think I believe that. I can see clearly and my love is not blind, most obviously not the one I have for my father. Might let you know that my father does not love my mother and here is how I knew.

I don’t LIKE my father …. It stands to be questioned

“Mummy, why are you always allowing that man to come here? I asked indignantly.

“He is your father, that is what you should call him, not that man”, she rebuked.

I ignored her, “ma, that man does not care about you, he does not respect you. Why would you continue to allow him into your life? He is hiding you, only coming to see you at night. I don’t know why you believe he loves you”.

“You will not understand, life is not black and white as you think”.

“Ma, that is what you want to believe. He is my father, yes, but I don’t respect him nor do I want to see him. He does not know what he wants. If he knows what he wants, he would have married you. Why you continue to see him is something I don’t understand”.

She looked at her son and said, “I think I have not narrated my story to you and I will do that now. Come and sit down”.

I don’t LIKE my father …. Inheritance or love

“I met your father when I was still at the University. We fell in love after meeting each other and started dating. When we graduated, we had made up our minds to marry each other. 

Our trouble started when he took me to see his mother. The woman looked at me like I was nothing. She shook her head and in the presence of your father told me she cannot allow me to marry her son. Your father asked why she said such a thing. Her excuse was that I am from a poor background. 

Let me remind you that if it were not for your father, I would not have finished school. My parents were not well-to-do, they are farmers. Throughout all the years I was in school, they were unable to pay my school fees. Your father was the one who paid my school fees and took care of me while I was in school. It’s one of the reasons why I remain loyal to him. 

Your father’s mother said my poor background was going to affect their reputation as a high-class family.

Your father refused, he insisted he was going to marry me. He assured me his mother will come around and we continued our relationship. 

A year after, his mother was still insisting he was not going to marry me. When she saw her son was not going to give in to her, she gave him an ultimatum; either me or his inheritance. His father had died and left the property in the care of his wife till his son comes of age to handle it. Your father was crushed, he did not like what his mother was doing but he could not turn his back on his inheritance, it was his legacy

I don’t LIKE my father ….. Something better

It was a trying time for us. I knew I was losing the battle. Before I knew it, I was out of the picture, your father had met the woman that his mother choose for him.

She was from a rich background. I was hurt, your father was more hurt but there was nothing he could do but obey his mother.

When I conceived you was the last time I met with your father before he got married. He called it goodbye sex but then, it was more than that. I cried a lot.

I don't like my father/pinterest pin/mildstrings

It was three months later I found out I was pregnant. I still kept in touch with your father. I informed him and he promised to take care of me. It’s all due to your father that I was able to survive. It was hard without him but financially, he was there for me. He helped me get a job and I am grateful to him for that.

When he finally came into his inheritance. He got us this place where we live and helped me get a better job. My dear, your father loves me, he loves us. You have to forgive the fact that he is not here. Just look at all the things he has been doing for us.  If he did not love us, he will not be doing all these things.

I don’t LIKE my father… A father in absentia

I refuse to be convinced, if anything I was more incited over the fact that my father choose inheritance over my mother.

I have had several wins in my life but my father was never there, it was only my mother. If someone went through my pictures, they would think my father was dead because he was never there. I had a father who was alive, who I saw daily but never experienced his love. Sometimes, I would see him showing love to his legitimate children in front of the whole world but he could not even come to my graduation because the whole world will recognize him.

My hatred for him did not stem from the fact that he was not there, though could also be a reason but it was not enough reason.

My mother has gone through a lot just because of her absurd love for this man. 

Payment for love

When I was in highschool, I came home one day with my mother to meet my father’s wife in front of our house.

 She insulted my mother and embarrassed her, and told her never to see her husband again. My mom told her what was between my father and her was not something that could be stopped. It enraged the woman and she slapped my mother. I could not take it anymore. I stepped up to talk to her and she looked at me with disdain and called me a bastard. It hurt but I did not beat her up because my mother restrained me. I did not understand why my mother would take all that shit without fighting back. I would later find out my father had made her promise to take everything in without reacting. My mother is so blinded by this damned love that she does not see my father is using her. I don’t know if she ever told my father. He could not have done anything. The spineless old man

I remember when I was younger, how each time he left in the night, my mother would cry silently, she wanted a man but she could not do anything about it. Sometimes she still cries. Each time he walked through those doors, her eyes would light up and she would become nervous trying to please him. When he was leaving, she would be downcast and sad. Many times my father would make plans with her and would cancel those plans last minute. She would cry and cry. For someone who claimed to love her, he placed more importance on his family than on the person he claims to love.


I don't like my father/mildstrings
I don’t like my father

I expected my mother to marry another man. Not like she did not have men coming unto her. I have always been perceptive as a child. She had men who wanted to marry her, but she is too hung up on my father to tie herself to another man.  Because of their damned true love, I missed out on having a regular father figure in my life.

My father treats my mother like a concubine. He would not show her to the world. She is the woman that has to be hidden that people cannot know about. It hurt that I am the child of that union. Most times when they ask about my father, I tell them he is dead.

“Mummy, I have heard your story but I don’t believe he loves you. He does not deserve you”, I said

“I don’t know what to tell you again, he loves me and I love him”, She replied

“This man that you call my father just wants to have his cake and eat it. And you are allowing him to do so. I am sorry to say this but he is just using you. And I want you to know he is not my father because I don’t see him as one”.

“Please by son, don’t say that. He loves you, he might not have been there for you but he loves you”, she held my hands and pleaded.

I looked at the woman sitting before me and shook my head. She is blind and has been blind for many years. She does not see what he is doing to her. He is wasting her time and she thinks it is love. I know what love looks like and this does not look like it.


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