I physically abused my wife; I am abusive like my father.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
I physically abused my wife/mildstrings/Facebook/Twitter
I physically abused my wife/mildstrings
I physically abused my wife

Like father like son as people say or the apple does not fall far from the tree. I inherited demons and did not know until I physically abused my wife then change had to happen.

I physically abused my wife; at first sight

It was as though he had been struck with lightning the moment he laid his eyes on her. He felt an insane amount of blood rushing to his heart. He couldn’t breathe, he had to sit and that he did. Drew watched as she sashayed across the room towards a bevvy of ladies and they engaged in a light-hearted chatter. She was beautiful and if he was ever going to survive, he had to make her his. 

He waited patiently for the dinner party before he approached her outside the hall and introduced himself in the most charming way that he could and got her number.

Drew knew he was in love with her, his fifteen minutes conversations with her had left him enthralled. He called her that night and they conversed long into the night. An invite to dinner spurred their relationship into a sizzling love affair. 

I physically abused my wife; sweet sweet love

Drew was certain he had made the right choice as he watched Linda walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown that had her looking so angelic. She was more than he bargained for and he couldn’t ask for better. Drew said his vows, determined not to be like his father as he looked deeply into her eyes and sealed his vows with a kiss that promised forever. 

They moved in and every day, Drew had a cause to thank God that he was not like his father. He was going to treat her right and treat her like the queen she was. He was not going to treat his wife like his father treated his mother. He would be different, hell, their marriage would be different. 

I physically abused my wife; bomb

Two months, after the vows had been exchanged, Drew was searching for his expensive watch and could not find it. He wanted to wear it for the hangout he had with his friends, it had been a long time since he saw his friends. He searched for it yet it was nowhere to be found. It pissed him off that he had kept something somewhere and could not find it. Drew moved to the other side of his house, and into the kitchen where his wife was cooking and asked where his watch was. She replied she did not know where he kept it.

His patience was quickly running out, she looked unbothered and was supposed to know where the watch was. He found himself shouting at her, he could not put a lid on his anger. His wife, not so gentle, screamed back at him and asked him to go find his watch where he kept it, saying shouting at her was unnecessary. His anger had taken flight and he could not control himself anymore, he reached his hand out and struck her on the face.

What does abuse do to a woman?

Whatever the height of his climax, his anger plummeted instantly and he looked in horror as his wife held her face in disbelief.

“You slapped me!, She shrieked. 

“No, he didn’t, no, he did not, it’s a dream, I did not do it”. He kept muttering to himself as she hurriedly and shamefacedly left the kitchen. Drew went into the guest room, locked the door and held his head with his hands as he crouched and bent his head. He felt tears cloud his eyes and mucus blocking his nostrils. Drew felt a migraine coming and his heart beating frantically. “He did not do it, he did not act like his father”, Drew cried out in his anguish. He thought he had no demons but those demons had been lying in wait for him. 

I physically abused my wife; seeds

Drew felt the way he felt for the first time at age nine. He had never seen his father whip his mum, but that was the first time in his nine years he witnessed it. He came back from school and met them quarrelling. They did not know he was in the room when his father struck his mother. She fell on the couch and she kept talking back to him as he pulled his belt from the loops and lashed her continuously. She kept her hands over her face as she kept on crying.

Drew crouched and covered his ears as he cried. His father heard the sound of Drew crying and stopped beating his mother, Drew’s father exited the house through the door while muttering about how useless Drew’s mother was. Drew drew closer to his mom who was still crouched and he hugged her. She saw him and tried to clean up her tears but it was useless, he had seen her already. She broke down afresh in his arms as she cried.


Drew was not happy with what he saw, he could finally piece two and two together. His mother had always come to his room and cried while holding him but he did not know why. He would pat her in his arms till she fell asleep. His father had been beating his mom and she had always sought him out for comfort. Drew grew up watching his father batter his mom with any object. He hated his father for always beating his mother.

And trees

When he came of age, Drew started defending his mum against his father and that was when his father reduced the physical abuse to verbal abuse. It was on the intervention of his mother that his father had attended Drew’s wedding. Drew had always prided himself in being different, in being a protector. Now, he is the one assaulting the one woman he had the duty to protect.

I physically abused my wife/mildstrings
I physically abused my wife

Sorry not changed

Drew set about to apologize to his wife who was mad that he did such a thing. He begged her not to tell anyone because it was a one-time incident that would never happen again. He had to grovel to secure her forgiveness in which she forgave him after much pleading.  

Drew went back to his happily ever after vibes with his wife and with the slapping incident behind him. Whenever the incident came back to his mind, he chased the thoughts away. He was occasionally plagued by the slapping incident. He struggled to remind himself never to get angry and raise his hands on his wife 

A Forest

Drew thought he had his anger under control until the day his wife came back home very late. He angrily asked her why she came back late without calling to inform him, thus making him worried. She apologized and said the car broke down as she was travelling and she honestly forgot to call. He didn’t know when it slipped out his mouth that she was probably cavorting around town with different men. She gave him the stink eye and let out a long hiss. She stood up and made to go into the house when she turned back to warn him never to say such arrant nonsense again in his life. If he was not going to ask about her welfare, he might as well keep his mouth shut other than spouting such nonsense. 

Is physical abuse worse than emotional abuse

Drew did not know what exactly made him angry, his unremorseful wife, her telling him to shut up or her saying he was spouting nonsense. His anger blinded him as he slapped her thrice in quick successions and started to punch her. When he had exhausted himself, the horror of what he had done stared back at him. His wife, a light-skinned woman was spotting red bruises, she was whimpering and crying silently. He noticed blood trickling from under her skirt and became scared. 

With alacrity, he placed her into his car and made a mad dash to the hospital. She was admitted and the doctor conducted a series of tests. He informed him that his wife was pregnant but she had lost the pregnancy, he could not hold his tears as he left the doctor’s office. Drew could not face his wife, she was asleep and would soon wake up to find out what had happened. He called his mum who did not waste time coming over. He informed her of what he had done and broke down in her arms. His mum went into the room to comfort his wife who had woken up. He stayed behind the door to listen in on their conversation. 

How do you fix a broken egg

His mum started by sympathizing with his wife and later admonished her. She told his wife his father beat her the same way and she endured it. His wife would have to endure if she wanted to remain in the marriage. He heard his wife telling his mom, that she was done with the marriage. She was not going to be married to someone that beats his wife at the slightest provocation. Drew knew he was done for. He could not lose his marriage, he could not make his wife stay so he had to do something. 

Drew went away for a while to think and decided to go for therapy. He wanted to change. He did not want to beat his wife and lose her. He loved her but his love was useless if he kept beating his wife. 

I physically abused my wife/mildstrings/Pinterest pin

He went back to the hospital to find out his wife had been discharged and had gone home. On getting home, he met her packing her things. He offered to move out of the house instead and promised to come back in three months. He packed his things amidst the wary looks she gave him and left the house with slumped shoulders. 

I physically abused my wife; shedding off

Drew attended therapy and got active tips on how to control his anger. After three months, he went to see his wife and begged that she followed him to therapy. His therapist intimated to his wife about her husband’s progress and how he had taken up kickboxing as his hobby. Linda was reduced to tears, Drew loved her. She was happy he was getting therapy because she did not want to leave him. Linda offered for him to come back home and Drew refused her offer because he needs to improve more before coming back into her arms. She went back home and slept soundly.

After six months, Drew moved back in, not a changed man but an improved man. Situations that could have easily escalated were quickly quelled when Linda learnt when not to talk and Drew walked away immediately or always counted one to ten. It was not a walk in the park but Drew made it. He had shed off the little fox that threatened to destroy his marriage. 

Drew was grateful for therapy, he could look into the mirror and be proud of the man he had become.


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