I bet most women who are the second wife today never imagined themselves to be in that position.
A second wife!! Nah that’s preposterous “I can not stand to share my man with someone else let alone be the second wife”.
I can accept anything from my husband except cheating blah blah blah.
Men are jealous we all know but women are most jealous.
Many women are jealous, knowing fully well that a man would most often than not cheat either knowingly or unknowingly in a marriage, and in most cases, it is never just once.
Married men cheat or sleep with other women outside their marriage for various reasons. If you put 10 married men together you can hardly find one who has not cheated or currently cheating, especially in marriages older than 10 years.
So as we all know men are polygamous in nature they sleep with multiple women, because they want to, and those married men most often than not cheat with single younger women.
Here is the circle, a single lady sleeps with a married man before she gets married and wouldn’t want her husband to cheat on her with another single lady.
It is not the law of karma it is just life, it happens.
Now, Is it good to be a second wife? let’s say the man is married and he wants to keep you as his second wife.
Maybe your age is not on your side anymore or you are previously divorced, or you just don’t seem to get other men that fit your checklist, or you simply are in love and you don’t want to let go just because he is married, so many good reasons.
From my point of view, it is better to be a second wife than to be a baby mama. it is better to be respected as a woman who has her own family, where your kids are recognized and legitimate.
In countries where there are no laws prohibiting multiple wives except for societal standards or moral judgment, it is better to take a decision that your future self will thank you for.
I wrote in detail, about the benefits and disadvantages of being a second wife.
Is it good to be a second wife?
Depending on the circumstances, it is, if the man wants it and you can fight for your love.
Yes, it is good to be a second wife. If it is based on Money, inheritance or just to carry a seed of a man whom you know has a loving family then it isn’t.
Some women just want to have a man’s offspring and in turn, manipulate him to marry her because of her own selfish or personal interests.
This happens mostly with influential men, wealthy men, powerful men, musicians, and stars.
Yes, the man could engage in a sexual relationship with a lady without the intention of marriage, especially if there is that understanding between you too.
But when it comes to men in the above-mentioned categories, ladies would kill to be married, they would do anything possible to either be a baby mama or even be a wife.
It is ok to be a second wife, with the population of men to women, 1:3 we have more women than men, so it would actually only take the grace of God and discipline for a man not to cheat.
More women are loitering about looking for a man to marry, out of the ration, some of the women are widows, others are divorced, so if you find a good man who is already married and wants to take you on as another wife, then think carefully about what you have to lose if none then it is good.
Benefits of being a second wife.
Just like any other wife, you have the same benefits, so being a second wife is not different.
You have all benefits as every or any wife would.
Some other benefits peculiar to being a second wife is.
Care and affection:
you would be cared for and be given attention, that is if you are a good wife, if you are the type of wife of is troublesome, always giving your husband issues then be ready to share your husband with more women because he would either stay more with his other wife or get another wife who would give him peace.
Your husband will care for you as a second wife, you know why? you have chosen to be married to him as a second wife, accepted backlash from people, and decided to be married, with that he would compensate you with so much care and affection.
He wouldn’t want you to regret your decision. As long as you give him peace and love. Be sure to experience the same in return.
Society especially African Society or Nigerian society does not care if you are the 2nd or 1st wife. Theirs is just be married to a man.
More respect is given to women who are married to a man than women who are older and unmarried.
You have a man to call your husband and the father of your kids. Whether you are the first or second wife, all wives have equal rights and are entitled to the same privileges.
No nobody is less than the other, the only thing is to respect each other’s boundaries and live happily.
In this new generation. Men with multiple wives keep their wives apart in a different location, they all don’t live under the same roof together.
Less marital duties
The life of a married career woman, with kids and a live-in husband is not easy.
You have to care for yourself, your kids, and your husband’s needs both sexual and physical needs. You probably wake up at 5 am to get ready for the day, too many activities, if you are lucky to have a husband who helps out and who isn’t demanding, you might be less stressed, compared to if he is also a very busy person.
You Work 9 am -5 pm, come home tired and late. You might have to be taking up so many responsibilities. After all of this, he still wants to be a boss in the bedroom, with amazing sex styles and multiple rounds to satisfy his sexual appetite.
This is almost impossible, but as a second wife, you know some of this responsibility will be shared.
Imagine if your husband always wants a fresh home-cooked meal prepared by you always. As a second wife, you will have the luxury of time and would only fulfill your responsibilities whenever you have him around.
You will have some space and privacy. Having alone time to yourself, to reflect, strategized, and re-energize is sometimes needed, even in marriage.
There are sometimes when you just need a break from people around you. Having a live-in husband might not afford you such an experience.
The most astonishing benefit of being a second wife is the space.
You have time for yourself. You can be yourself and enjoy your own company. Focus your time and energy on other things asides from being a wife.
The feeling can be awesome. There is time for you to rejuvenate. Taking care of a whole family is not easy, not even when you have a demanding business or career. At least you will be sure your husband is not cheating on you and he is in safe hands.
Disadvantages of being a second wife?
Are there any disadvantages of being a second wife? or what is the pain of being a second wife?
Is it degrading, disrespectful, or shameful to be a second wife?
There is nothing wrong, the only people who would see it as a bad thing are those in the camp of the first wife, of which it is not your problem, if the first wife should have any problem it should be with her husband.
Whichever way they sort it out is not in your place to know or interfere. Everybody is an Adult, and for a man to make such a decision, it means he can handle the repercussions and outcome.
As a second wife, you have no worries, but if you are the jealous type, or the envious type, or the malicious type, or the evil type. Just stay away from being in a polygamous marriage.
Because you will be bringing enough harm to yourself and your marriage than good.
Some of the disadvantages of being in a polygamous marriage include
you have to knowingly share your husband with another wife. And you have to be ok with that, his finances would not only be enjoyed by you alone. a man who wants to be in a polygamous marriage must have resources to maintain his desire.
You will mostly be with your kids without having him around most times, since he has another family he has to share his time between both families and that means he would have to only have either selected days with you or selected months. He can’t be with you always.
Depending on your acceptance within the family. You might be restricted to certain gatherings. Because you are not welcomed there.
This is a major pain of being a second wife. Others in the family might not accept you. Maybe not immediately, so you have to cope with that
You and the other wife can never be friends. Even if she accepts you. You just have to know your place and don’t cross the line, even if you don’t live together. She is not your Fan so take your friendship elsewhere and stay in your lane.
Children might not be allowed to mix or be friends with each other. Because the wives can’t stand each other so they will do anything possible to prevent their children from having any relationship together. That is if they don’t ever wish bad for each other
There might be favoritism, where your husband might favor the other family above yours. Or their needs above yours. It might be very obvious that it could cause a rift or make you feel left out or abandoned
If you are not mature enough you might develop so much jealousy and hatred.
People will always talk they can call you names like husband snatcher, homewrecker, gold digger, thief, so many unpleasant names.
The angle they are seeing from is that the man already has a wife so why did you agree to marry him, didn’t you know you would break his family e.t.c being a second wife is not a deplorable thing.
It’s a choice. Everyone can keep their opinion as long as you are happy and it is an agreement between the man and you, not that you actually stole him or made him marry you against his wish.
He might take on other wives:
Your husband might decide to take on other wives in the future. So it might not end with you.