I felt a mix of pity and guilt on my wedding eve, my mind tells me I am about to be marrying out of pity. I was guilty because I know I will definitely be cheating on this man whom I have spent over 3 years of my life dating. I feel pity because I know he has invested so much in the relationship and I can’t just leave him without hating myself for been mean to someone who loves and deeply cares about me. But still I couldn’t picture myself tied around a pity marriage.
Before i Married my husband
When I met my husband, I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore, I just wanted to be married. I met my husband at a point in my life when I wouldn’t just reject any suitor that comes my way. I was already 26 years old and my younger sister was already married with a son, although there wasn’t any evident pressure on me to settle down, I was just not comfortable with it, coupled with the fact that I wasn’t in any serious relationship, so I was hoping and praying a man finds me.
My husband is a person of mixed personality he is neither calm nor loud I would describe him as an extrovert, but he is loud when a shot of alcohol is mixed with his bloodstream, then he can be very obnoxious.
How i met my husband
We met at a bakery shop and in barely 2 weeks of the meeting, we started dating. I used to be the type with a list of characteristics I want my man to have but surprisingly in his case they didn’t matter. It just happens that I want a companion so bad.
It didn’t matter that I have dreams and visions and I want someone who would give me the needed support to achieve them. It also didn’t matter that I love someone of entrepreneurial mind with great leadership skills that I can be confident will lead the family we create.
By the time we were ready to finally get married, we had saved up and we had a beautiful wedding, but before the wedding anytime I stopped to think if I was making a bad decision, I would console myself by saying but he loves me, I was just carried away by the moment.
I don’t believe in love
I have never really believed in love, I rather believe in what I see, I believe in the person I am with to do right by building and supporting me to be the person I have always wanted to be, I know its not their responsibility but that is love to me and that is my love language. The true meaning of love in a relationship is to complete each other
My marriage was going on well or at least went on well until I met a man on one of my business trips to onboard a remote team at work. He showed me the care I wanted concerning my career, whenever we sat to discuss, the conversations made more sense to me than the boring sermon I would always get from my husband about how much he loves me and cherish me.
How i realized i married out of pity
I started to develop affection for the new man, maybe because he cared about my growth or he was just a sweet person. I was livid about what has come over me, this is me as a married woman, in a contract, not a relationship I can check in and out however I please.
This feeling grew that I started to find my husband boring and unintelligent. My newfound friend is taking my heart and I have barely spent two years in my marriage. I found an old diary of mine and I saw a place I wrote the top 5 characteristics my husband must have. There I found out I had missed it; I started dating someone out of pity, began staying in a relationship out of pity. Worse, I married out of pity and now I am in love with another man.
I was carried away by the attention I was getting, I didn’t realize I was not growing in certain areas of my that would make me achieve the dreams I have in mind for myself and my future.
Deep now before I agreed to marry him, my intuition keeps reminding me of things that bring me genuine happiness which I couldn’t find in my finance, The relationship was already known by family and friends, he was around my parents often, calls them occasionally and comes gift-bearing whenever he visits. I pitied that if I left him I would be seen as a bad person but now after 2 years of marriage, I see that I have placed some else’s happiness over mine.
Can one marry out of pity
We are emotional beings and we can get attracted to someone to the point of arranging a pity marriage without even realizing it. Pity love could also be in a different form, but the most common is when someone has helped you in the past and you feel the only way to compensate him/her is to spend the rest of your life with the person.
Although this might not come to your mind before you get married, that’s because help is a form of love, and the help you are getting shows that the person loves you. In most cases, you probably don’t even have mutual interests in which you both engage, what brings you connected is the situation you are going through and how him/she is the person who helps you through it. In summary, don’t marry out of pity.
Reasons you shouldn’t Marry out of Pity
Since you both only connect due to that situation without having any social interests, it could happen that when you are independent without any need for your partners help you begin to find yourself trapped or bored.
If you leave, your partner feels you are ungrateful, but it is better to leave than to deal with the pain of regret for the rest of your life. There is this popular saying when a man is poor he marries the woman any woman that comes his way but when a man is rich he marries the woman he wants.
This is because his needs have changed as when he got married. He probably would appreciate a woman who is much more educated, intelligent, at the time he is rich than when he was broke when all he wanted is a woman who brings him food and takes care of him. By the time he makes it and feels like he wants someone better, if he decides to leave her then, he would be seen as ungrateful.
Don’t give your life as a thanksgiving offering, wait until the help is over, do you both still connect? do you both still enjoy each other company? do you both still laugh chat and feel complete with each other? Otherwise, you might realize halfway that you have only connected and loved due to the help and love you got, and when you don’t need the help again and there is no connection again what is next.