Is it okay to be a single mother?

by Onyinye Ogbuka

Is it okay to be a single mother?

I had just graduated from the university and was expecting my call-up letter to serve my father’s land when I met him. He could easily pass for a model, handsome, soft-spoken, great sense of humour and so kind. Life looked perfect in every sense of it. I was already imagining a wedding. 

He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes without hesitating. He was everything that I wanted in a man and more. We went on several dates, and shared secret smiles and hidden nothings. 

I was a huge proponent of sex before marriage and that was why I was still a virgin. Because we were in love, it did not seem wrong in any way. I wanted him and felt that since we were getting married, it was not going to matter. We had sex and it was passionate. I couldn’t get enough of him neither could he of me.

Six months later, I got pregnant. I told him about it in excitement but his attitude quenched the fire of excitement in me. He said he was not ready for the baby. If anything, he was angry that I dared get pregnant. I was angry and shocked that he would say such a thing. He ordered that I get an abortion and I told him that I cannot get an abortion. We ended up fighting in which he denied the child and said since I was not going to do as he said I should not bother contacting him.

Is it okay to be a single mother?

I went home crying, what was I going to tell my parents? I was currently doing my service and I did not know what to do. I spent days crying and wishing that I did not meet him.

Is it okay to be a single mother?/mildstrings/Pinterest pin

When my belly started to protrude, I told my mom and she was a buffer between my Dad and me. Both of them were mad at me for the shame I was bringing upon them. Despite their anger, they both promised to support. 

With the little that I made from my job, I made sure to get baby stuff, on some days it was hard and on some other days, it was easy but either way I tried to move on.

The hurt that I felt for my ex festered into bitterness. I hated men with so much passion. This affected the relationship I had with every male around me. I did not allow any man to get too close to me. I did not even give them a breathing space. 

I gave birth to my child and it was a cute little girl. I loved her so much and this made me want to do everything to ensure that she had the best life 

I worked harder than ever and even moved out. It was hard taking care of another life on a meagre salary but I scaled through, I worked on increasing my earning capacity so I could give her the world.

However happy I was with my child, I hated the existence of men. My parents were worried that I was not thinking of getting married again. When they saw my biter resolve never to associate myself with a man again, they had to take a step and booked me a therapist at Mildstrings.

Talking to a total stranger was annoying and it was weird. With time, I became comfortable. I opened up to him about my hurt and what led to it. We had a series of sessions that helped me clear that bitterness away.

It has been a year, there no bitterness in my heart, it’s all love and light here. I am happier and glowing. The therapy did work wonders on me.

I feel better and was ready to mingle.

I love my child more and I appreciate my parents for stepping in to help me get rid of this bitterness 

 I am ready for love again 

Is it okay to single parent?

It is totally okay to be a single parent. It doesn’t make you less human.

Is it okay to be a single mum?

It is totally okay to be a single mum.

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