Is  Pain Necessary in  Romantic Relationships?

by Nelson
therapy in Lagos Nigeria

To the question “Is pain necessary in romantic relationships”? Pain in a romantic relationship cannot be underestimated and overlooked, because if it is – the genuine content of the relationship will become a mere coconut without water. The pain we experience in a love relationship help us to remember how to love better, and how to sacrifice more of our time, resource, and emotion.

 Pain in a romantic relationship isn’t just for us to feel hurt or bad but to intensify our tender and romantic feeling. We sure know how to avoid pain for pleasure, then, if it is avoided, the creative sensual intense feeling of pleasure will depreciate between the partners which is the highest satisfying feeling one can experience in a love relationship. 

The question is, Is pain necessary in romantic relationships? Pain is the absence of pleasure, the feeling of discomfort and hurt, that gives the fear of a great view of an impending situation. Pain is inevitable to man and his siblings. It will help him remember that he’s alive and how priceless the feeling of pleasure can be.

Here are the two types of pain in romantic relationships.

1. Physical Pain

The physical pain in a romantic relationship is what is likened to the plain beating experienced by the other partner. A physical beating could cause more than just physical pain but also emotional bleeding. A mere slap from the other partner could cause huge emotional traffic, because the pain felt, has triggered a lot of emotional signals, though a mere physical pain. Also, the blissful pain experienced during sex – is quite ironic.

The pain while kissing is a result of biting the other partner’s lips or tongue, most of the time unintentional. Your partner could slap your head, butt, or thigh jokingly in a sexy way, you feel the pain, but we interpret such pains as a lovely pain that we all secretly desire. At some point, wanting your partner to continue so you can return your slap in form of tender touch and then turns into a playful atmosphere between the two lovely partners.

    2. Emotional Pain 

This is what most people in an unhealthy romantic relationship go through from time to time even, sometimes in our daily interaction with friends/close friends, customers,  family, and social and religious gatherings. But the emotional pain we experience in our day-to-day activities is not compared to the emotional pain in a romantic relationship. The reasons are less obvious because the pain is similar to the ones we experience daily, like firm quarrels, and aggressive arguments especially when you’re trying to make valid points, trying to justify your actions when you feel the exact opposite of your action.

In a romantic relationship, the significance of this emotional pain is in the length or degree of how it is deeply felt, which can be surprising to the person in the situation. The depth of the damage the pain cause can sometimes lead to post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), passive aggressive behavior, and moody attitude and also affects the body because of the high level of emotional commitment one has invested into the relationship. 

Now, Is pain necessary in romantic relationships? We are in a secular society where emotion is the dominant concept that rules our perception and thrives our world daily. The research found that those who relate with people on a neutral ground have less interactive conversations unlike those with the emotional contribution.

Here are 4 reasons why people experience pain in romantic relationships.

1. Unforgiveness

Unforgiveness can impede the progress of any kind or form of relationship, especially a romantic relationship. For instance. “suddenly your partner comes homes, saying he wants to confess to you, and you keep wondering what could have happened: then he tells you ‘he met with his ex-girlfriend unexpectedly at a Friday night party, and after some drinks, they lost consciousness of what was happening and they couldn’t think straight because they had too much to drink, and that the feelings all came back at once, and they kissed impulsively, that it was a mistake.

You’d get angry because you’ll instantly feel betrayed. That your partner compromised with your feelings. Forgiving your partner at this point may seem very difficult, but you’ll need to learn to forget and forgive your partner because if you don’t, you’re going to destroy and crash that relationship with unforgiveness.

2. Unresolved discrepancies

Once there is room for inconsistent arguments or differences between two partners in a romantic relationship, they should get ready for sentimental judgment between them. It is natural for partners to disagree over a matter, you two don’t have to agree all the time. But duly ensure that all issues relating to the conflict are amicably resolved. If the other partner is unwilling to talk about it at the moment, make sure to create time to talk about it to settle the differences, leaving none behind.

3. Still giving your EX unnecessary attention 

If there is frequent communication call or text between you and your Ex-, you’re probably giving your partner the benefit of to doubt for your loyalty. Your partner might not want to talk or try to stir up conversation in the subsequent interaction between you two, but deep down, it’s indirectly causing her/his pain. Giving your Ex- unnecessary attention or time will only give room for questioning and a justified answer will be expected. If the partner is not getting a satisfactory answer, then there will be hypersensitivity to calls, questions, texts, and even neutral conversations.

 4. Transfer of aggression

  People go through a lot in just a single day, either good or bad. Oblivious to the fact that your partner had a very busy and stressful day, will make the other partner throw questions, make fun of, trying to whine with a joking attitude which the other partner might see as an attack rather than just a mere prank, as a result of the long day experience, give room for transferring of aggression on the other partner. Leaving the two partners on the dark side of the situation. One needs to learn the basic emotional skill of how not to transfer aggression and manage their emotions with their partner despite the stress of the day.

Is pain necessary in romantic relationships? Remember, that pain is not just a mere hurt feeling, but a deep feeling that triggers emotional and psychological signals. We are not biologically designed to accommodate pain-like comfort. 

3 negative effects of Pain in romantic relationships.

1. Depression

Overthinking and brooding over issues like finding out your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you; your partner is not disclosing the state of his finances to you anymore, he doesn’t feel free talking about his deepest secrets to you, neither does he open up emotionally, rather does most things on neutral ground. The rate at which people in romantic relationships are getting depressed is proliferating wildly and affecting relationships. It has been solely observed that most people in a romantic relationship use alcoholic drinks, and intake drugs and some overthink it, as a means to get over depression.

2. Unhealthy mental state

 As one begins to experience both physical and emotional pain in relationships, so does it affect our mental state. Imagine an Asthmatic patient, experiencing constant emotional and physical pain – in the face of these pains, he/she begins to gasp to breathe constantly; his/her health worsens every day without quick observation. It was observed that both parties begin to lose their mental sanity easily, quick anger with a negative reaction, seeing every question as a form of attack rather than the real intent behind the question.

3. Fear

The fear of having a normal conversation without having to argue, the fear to ask questions without having to receive them as an attack. The fear of losing your partner to another person, the fear of insecurity, the fear of having to avoid deep conversation that is not likely to lead to emotional outrage rather than to resolve the issue. A few signs of fear are; heart palpitation, unnecessary anxiety, and feeling nervous, when you experience this talking to your partner then the love has been replaced with fear.

People still find it very hard how to handle an emotional crisis they go through almost every day. Seeing a Therapist is quite expensive to afford, talking to the right person that will understand the situation might be so hard to find sometimes. You do not need to go the extra mile anymore, your solution is right here.

Here 4 ways to avoid Pain in romantic relationships.

1. Constant showing of care

You must show care to your partner always without an iota of lackluster. A caring attitude is what the female gender cherishes more than anything else. Because it makes them feel safe and confident about themselves and their partner. Even in a family where the parent shows a lot of care to their children, the children tend to be more lovely and loved by others, with stable emotions.

2. Buying of gifts

Partners should learn and know how to buy gifts for themselves without having to ask, it makes Kindles a romantic and lovely feeling. It could be both genders. Also, knowing what to buy for your partner that will make your partner happy is important. Buying and surprising your partner with gift items is refreshing, exciting, and fascinating, it makes both parties feel tender towards each other. And could mean so much more than the gift itself

3. Cuddling, touching, and kissing

In a romantic relationship where both parties hardly engage in touching, kissing, and cuddling, then they should get ready to nurture a sick and boring relationship. There is a need for all these. It was what spiced up and heighten the romantic feeling between both parties. Kissing and cuddling your partner is a basic sign of affection. You must show affection to your partner as one remedy to healing from pain.

4. Socializing and communication

  Couples need to socialize as a means to avoid relationship deficit and deformity. Getting to know her friends, colleagues, and families – getting to know his closest friends, playmates, colleagues, etc. You two could hang out to go to a friend’s birthday party, go to watch a movie matinee, sit together in a romantic position, see home theatre, and have constant communication. Engaging in all these gives a feel of relationship capability.

Final words

Is pain necessary in romantic relationships? Pain will always be a part of our lives, especially in our romantic and general relationships. There is a need for us to feel the pain to keep us alive and to cherish every single moment we have at displaying our affection and love for one another. 

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