WHAT DO WE MEAN BY ‘LOVE’ AND ‘LUST’?
Love brings deeper emotional connection and, usually, there is always a desire to make that relationship last. On the other hand, lust is a state of overwhelming sexual and physical attraction to another person.
There isn’t a widely agreed-upon definition of each. Lust is primarily about physical excitement and craving for someone else.
So, if you get heart palpitations every time you see this other person, you feel a rush of excitement from even the slightest touch and you can’t stop fantasizing sexually about them, it’s probably lust.
On the other hand, if you find yourselves disclosing personal details to each other that you don’t normally share, you’re providing each other with emotional support, you’re integrating them into your life, and you’re thinking about your future together, it’s probably love.
So, it basically depends on who you are asking, love and lust are two different things to different people.
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT I’M FEELING? LOVE? OR LUST? HOW DO I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST?
Lust and love are usually fairly easy to distinguish.
You are to ask yourself the following questions to decide on which of them you are feeling;
- What do I feel or experience when I look at this person?
- Do I want this person to touch me sexually? If they already have, how does it feel?
- Do I fantasize about a future with this person? Do I fantasize about this person sexually?
- Do I want to bring this person to family, work, or friend events? Or do I want to bring them to my bed, only?
- How would I describe my relationship with this person?
All that said, one of the main signs of love is a connection that develops over time through shared experiences and self-disclosure. So, if someone is wanting to spend a lot of time with you outside of the bedroom, if they’re sharing really personal and intimate details about themselves, if they’re asking you a lot of questions and seem invested in learning about you, if they’re introducing you to family and friends, or making future plans with you, these are all likely indicators of love. Meanwhile, if someone only wants to spend time with you in bed and doesn’t seem invested in your life beyond the walls of the bedroom, you’re dealing with lust.
HOW CAN YOU RECOGNIZE LOVE?
To love requires: Compromise, patience, acceptance, and commitment to removing feelings of judgment
Researchers are skeptical about if it is possible to cultivate love that isn’t already there.
Love can happen over time, but you shouldn’t force anything, that I why researchers recommend cultivating relationship sustainability and maintenance skills instead of attempting to cultivate love.
Relationships can be maintained by each partner by sharing and talking about how they actually feel and how they like to be loved.
Relationships can be sustained by: listening to your partner’s needs, honoring each other’s boundaries, communicating intention, sharing your more vulnerable feelings, and giving your other half-space to share theirs.
IS LOVE MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE OR VICE VERSA?
Not really, Often when we talk about the differences between love and lust, love is always being said to be superior to lust, but that isn’t the case. Lust is not inferior to love, it’s just different. Lust can help us feel sexy, desired, playful, and attractive, which is probably important in its own right.
There is a scientific reason why it can be difficult to tell the difference between love and lust. Sex releases all sorts of feel-good chemicals in the brain, which can lead to a craving for the other person. It’s easy to confuse the sexual craving for wanting to be around someone because of a strong emotional connection
Lust is about a physical or sexual attraction whereas love might encompass lust, but it’s more emotional and is about actually caring for the other person. You know when you’re sitting next to someone at the movie theater and you’re super aware of their body? You know exactly where their hand is without even looking. And maybe your shoulders touch each other and you feel an electric current run through your body? That’s lust. Love is deeper. “You’re emotionally attached to their wellbeing and outcome. Experts say that lust typically comes more readily than love. Although they’re a common belief that lust always fades over time. However: “Lust and love can both fade over time if they aren’t nurtured”
HOW TO KNOW IF WHAT YOU FEEL IS ACTUALLY LUST
- You crave the other person physically: Does your heartbeat quicken when they grab your hand? Do you get the butterflies when you kiss? Do you feel a sexual craving for them? According to the experts, these are classic signs you’re in lust, my friend
- If you find yourself ignoring texts from the other person or tuning out when they tell you about your day wondering when you’re just going to start making out already, the experts say it’s a good indicator that you’re in lust, not love.
- If you’re enjoying the moment but don’t have a desire to introduce them to your friends, family, or include them in important moments of your life, it’s a sign that while you’re into the physical connection. For lust is often based on feelings of arousal and fulfillment.
MAIN DIFFERNCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST
When you’re in lust, you want immediate gratification and unlike in love, you’re not looking to develop a deep emotional attachment with the other person.
You simply want their touch and physical energy.
Lust, being a heady, addictive experience can really wreak havoc on your emotions. If the object of your lust is your partner, you can leverage those emotions to boost your sexual intimacy, improving your relationship as a result.
To make you understand better, you might as well check the table below that shows the major differences between love and lust
| Love | Lust |
| sometimes sexual | always sexual |
| emotionally driven | physically driven |
| romantic, emotional, mental, and spiritual connection | the sexual and physical connection |
| sometimes accompanied by sexual or physical connection | sometimes accompanied by an emotional, mental, romantic, or spiritual connection |
| can be experienced with or without lust | can be experienced with or without love |
A good piece of advice is to always make sure to know if your partner or yourself is experiencing love or lust to prevent issues relating to heartbreak.
