Some people ask, is it necessary for me to make a relationship official? Let me paint you a scenario — you have been in a relationship with this handsome man or beautiful lady for a couple of months. During one of those late-night chats, you asked, “Where do you think this relationship is going?” Here comes the greatest shock of your life, your partner replies, “what relationship?“ — He/she didn’t know they were in a relationship with you the whole time. As unrealistic as this sounds, it has been the reality for many young boys and girls today.
Your partner saw what you considered a relationship as friendship or at most, an intimate friendship. You see him/her as a soulmate but they consider you a “bestie” or a close friend. If you are going through this or you once experienced this, I want to let you know that you are not alone. The truth of the matter is that, that scenario happened because the relationship wasn’t made official. You probably concluded you were in a relationship because of how intimate both of you are.
In this article, we shall be addressing how to be in a defined relationship to avoid being the one with a broken heart. Then we proceed to things to consider before making a relationship official.
What Does it Mean To Make a Relationship Official?
To make a relationship official means to reach a mutual agreement on what’s between you two. It means to define your friendship or relationship as the case may be. If you still ask the “What are we?” question, your relationship isn’t official yet You must have had an honest conversation about the relationship, your goals, and most importantly, the future. Ensure the relationship is well defined to the extent that there is no room for doubt.
Be in a Refined Relationship
This is one of the best relationship advice you’ll ever see on the internet. In any relationship, you find yourself, define it! You should know if it’s just friendship or there’s more to it. If someone hasn’t confessed that they like you and want a relationship with you, never assume you are in a relationship with them.
This remains one of the major mistakes youngsters make today. They stay in a relationship that is not well-defined. To a party, they’re in a relationship. The other party on the other hand sees him/her as a close friend.
Let me share with you the story of Jane and Peter (Psst – real names were changed).
Jane had a male friend whose name was Peter who was a close friend. They played rough one day and eventually kissed. Afterward, they continue to chat like love birds, sending cute love emojis to each other. This made Jane think Peter had already fallen in love with her and they were in a relationship. Jane discussed it with Peter someday and that was how she discovered that Peter didn’t know they were in a relationship.
Let me ask this, were they actually in any relationship? Well, kissing is an intimate act but how does someone kissing you automatically translates to being in a romantic relationship with you? This is why you should keep your relationships with people well-defined.
How do you define a relationship?
Ask your partner the “What are we?” question. This would save you from surprises and disappointments. Now that you understand why it is important to make a relationship official or defined, let’s proceed to things to consider before you make a relationship official.
Things to Consider Before you make a Relationship Official.
Before you make your relationship official, here are 5 important questions to ask yourself:
- Are We Compatible?
Compatibility is a major thing you should share with your partner. If you know deep down that you are not compatible and have little or nothing in common, why then do you want to enter that relationship? Compatibility starts from your genotypes, if they’re not compatible, don’t bother starting a romantic relationship. Even if you don’t plan to marry him/her, resist the urge to start a romantic relationship.
At first, love will make you overlook your differences but always remember that love is not enough. Nothing makes more sense than loving someone who understands you; you share similar interests, energy, vibes, and even dislikes. Doesn’t this make more sense than dating someone who isn’t on the same page as you?
- Are Our Goals Similar?
Dating someone with similar goals will make you achieve yours faster. Don’t make the relationship official if your partner doesn’t have similar goals to you. I am not saying the goals will be exactly the same but they should have, at least, some similarities.
Let’s assume a party is into finance and the other is into tech, their goals may be far apart since they are in different fields. However, it may have a similar structure. You should also ask if they have goals. As weird as it sounds, some people don’t have anything they look forward to achieving.
- Are They Interested as Much as I am?
This is a very deep question. In relationships, a party is usually more interested than the other. Do not finalize a relationship where your partner is not as interested in the relationship as you are. It is okay if you are the more interested party. However, if you are in one where it seems you are the only one who wants it to work, don’t push things further.
You need to understand that for a relationship to be successful, both parties need to be all in. If in your case, you do most of the pushing, take a step backward. Your partner too should show signs that they are also interested and are ready to give anything to make it work. If you notice it seems you are the one forcing the union, take a chill pill. I bet you don’t want to be in a relationship where your partner would make you feel they are doing you a favor by dating you.
- Have You Had a Future Talk With Him?
Let me put this to you directly, have you had a future talk with your partner? Do you even know if they see you in the future? If the answer is NO, why are you yet to have the future talk with them? A future talk means a discussion about your future together. Don’t be surprised if they don’t have you in their plans.
Having a future talk with your significant other will let you know if you are still on the same page. Ask him/her these questions: What are your plans for the future if plan A doesn’t work, is there a backup plan? It is important to ask these questions because some are in a relationship where their plans are colliding, and some don’t even have plans. You’re thinking of settling down and raising a family but sadly, they don’t see all that happening.
- Do I Know Them Well Enough?
So you met this guy at a friend’s party weeks ago and you got talking. In no time, you have become close and you’re about to seal the relationship. Stop right there! How well enough do you know him? What if you discover later that he is married? Before you make a relationship official, ensure you know them well enough. Going into a relationship with the wrong person would mess up your mental health. Before you seal the deal, give it time to confirm they are truly who they claim to be. If you have asked yourself these questions, you can proceed to make the relationship official.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. When Should I make My Relationship Official
There is no certain time to make your relationship official, just ensure they are the right person for you. Be quick to ask where you belong so you don’t spend months in a relationship only to find out they weren’t on the same page with you.
2. Are We in a Relationship or Just Dating?
Asking this question automatically means you are not in a defined relationship. Instead of using search engines to get the answer, have an honest conversation with your partner and ask! Keep in mind that you are not in a relationship if both of you haven’t consented to it. Relationships are not based on assumptions.
3. How To Make a Relationship Official
The best way to make a relationship official is to ask. Sit them down and ask where you stand. Tell them you want to know if they want to take it further. Don’t be scared of getting rejected. The truth is that it would hurt more to stay in a relationship that is not defined. Keep in mind that making a relationship official is a mutual agreement, both parties should consent to it.
4. How Long Should You Wait to Make a Relationship Official?
To start with, different things work for different people. Some did it for a month, some two months while some took more time. However, according to psychologists, you should wait for a minimum of two months
Asking the right set of questions would go a long way in your relationship especially if you intend to tie the knot with them. If you ask the right set of questions, you already know where the relationship is heading. The earlier you ask, the better. Ask if they want a relationship or just friendship.
If it’s the friendship they want, know where to draw the line. Some want friendship but crave things beyond the scope of friendship. Even if you are in a relationship, ask them, do you want a relationship or one that would lead to marriage?
Then assess yourself to see what you want. If you want a relationship that will lead to marriage but they don’t, it means you have not been on the same page all along.
Have you ever been in an undefined relationship? How’s the experience? Have you ever dated someone only to find out they didn’t know they were in a relationship with you? Or has someone dated you without your knowledge?
Share your experience with the Mildstrings community! Trust me, you are not the only one in this shoe, you’ll be amazed at how much other people have experienced it. In case you don’t want to share it in the comment section because it is personal, Email us directly. Trust me, we’re ready to hear you out.
Meanwhile, if you have gained something from this article, please do not hesitate to share it with those around you.