My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me: should I leave him?

by Onyinye Ogbuka
My boyfriend doesn't listen to me/mildstrings/twitter

My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me. Just when you decide to submit to a man you love, not because the society says so but because you realize that two masters cannot lead a ship. You decide to be in the following but the lead does not have a compass and does not see the need for one. You know one day that a storm would destroy your ship. Do you leave because you don’t want to be swallowed by a storm or do you stay because you love the man in the lead?

My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me… To be or not to be

She decided she was going to walk away from the relationship. It was leading to marriage but she was tired. This was the last straw, she really did not want to die young. The way it was going, this relationship was going to send her to her grave.

But she would miss him, she thought. She would miss his voice, his deep-throated laughter. Ayo shook her head off the enticing thoughts of him. 

She had to break up with him, she was putting herself in danger if she decided to go the whole nine yards with him. She thought everything would be perfect when she met Jamal. He was everything she wanted in a man.

My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me… The grass is greener on the other side

It was like fate when she met him at the movies and he got her contact after her determined attempt to not give it out. His determination wore hers out. 

Ayo had been in a relationship when she met him.

She was suffering from neglect in the relationship; her ex-boyfriend was not caring in any way. He did not call as much as he was supposed to and did not text, even when he was texted, he always took his sweet time to reply. Ayo had never been one to demand attention but there were degrees to this caring thingy. When it started at first, she took the initiative to call but her ex did not deem it fit to reciprocate with equal energy. She didn’t want to face the reality of his neglect so she would always chalk it down to stress. It continued for months and she kept managing.

She planned an outing with him which included going to the movies. Her ex called that afternoon to cancel. She angrily told him off and went to the movies by herself. It was at the movies she met her fiancee who wore her down with his determination.

My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me... How was your day?

She smiled at the sweet memory of it but that sweet memory was fast becoming tainted with some unhealthy traits she did not like in her husband to be.

Their relationship had started with friendship. He would press to know how her day went and she would recount the events of her day to him. The funny sight of the drunk man who forgot his way home, how she fought with the cab driver for her change, how her boss at work kept giving her attitude, and how she is tired of everything and hopes that tomorrow would be better. 

Slowly, it became their routine every night to recount the beautiful mysteries of their day and how it went. One chilly night, she opened up to him about her relationship and he advised her to get out of the relationship. They argued over her indecision. She sensed his love for argument, his continuous lack of admission of being in the wrong. She attributed it to personality. 

After some time, she built enough courage to break up with her ex who just shrugged his shoulders. Months later, it was only natural that her boyfriend asked her out and she accepted to be his girlfriend.

It’s not too much

Sizzling romance was what family and friends called what Ayo and Jamal had between them. At the start of their romantic relationship, she would always go on her knees thanking God for making her boyfriend stubborn enough to get her contact. Now, she was questioning God on why her boyfriend was damned stubborn and did not ever take any advice. 

My boyfriend doesn't listen to me/pinterest pin/mildstrings

She knew about his love for argument and always claiming to be right but it didn’t matter to her because she didn’t think it ran deep. It was a matter of time before she understood that his inability to take advice, was as bad as a fish deciding to live on land knowing it would die.

A red shining flag

Her first encounter with this undesirable trait was when they were about to be engaged. Her boyfriend’s occupation was in the engineering field. He had some money saved up. Jamal had a friend who advised him to invest in a particular business venture. He had spoken to her about it and she asked that she looks into it. Because she was more business savvy than he was, the said business seemed shady because the numbers were not adding up. She strongly advised him not to invest in the business. He discarded her advice and invested. After a few months, the business packed up. Her boyfriend was unable to get his profits. He came to her with his tail between his legs and she was happy he had learned his lessons and sad because he lost a substantial amount of cash.

The second one was a few months into their engagement. Her boyfriend wanted to invest in another business deal. She looked into it and it was okay but something seemed off, her instincts kicked against it. She advised him to not invest and went further to plead with him, rest assured her boyfriend had learned his lesson. Ayo was going to find out later that he had invested in the business and it packed up. 

After the second incident, her trust in him financially began to decrease. She didn’t see him as capable of sustaining wealth.

Different shades of a shining red flag.

As their relationship progressed, Ayo found out her boyfriend was always looking for the next big thing, always wanting to hit it big with the next investment. As a financial adviser, she misconstrued it as a good desire and sought to give him direction by giving him a list of viable investment options she believed would give him good returns. She also pointed his attention to some promising startups that were bound to blow up in some years to come. Much to her dismay, her man was the sort who despised little beginnings. 

That was not the end of this singular characteristic that was fast overshadowing the good part of him. His family complained that he listened to no one. Ayo believed in the power of counsel but her man despised it. It’s some sort of bragging right for him that no one could tell him what to do, that no one could control him. He often said things like I am the master of myself. Friends said the same about him.

And as such, over the course of their engagement, she sadly watched her man invest in various business ventures that were bound to fail and they had all failed. And each time, he refused to admit his loss and would claim no pain no gain. Ayo on one or two occasions had questioned the sanity of continuing in this relationship with him. She entertained the thought but later shoved it to the back of her mind. She didn’t think it made sense to end a good relationship over something like this.

Ayo grew worried.

My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me… A prelude to goodbye

My boyfriend doesn't listen to me/mildstrings
My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me

What broke the camel’s back was when they started planning their wedding and had to pool resources together. She had left some of her money in his care since he was going to be the one handling the logistics. She found out her fiance, without her consent, had taken a huge sum of money from their joint funds meant for the wedding. Ayo got to find out about the withdrawal when her phone consistently beeped from debit alerts. She didn’t believe it at first so she called her fiance to confirm and he replied in the affirmative.

Ayo had wanted to react but she kept her cool to see if the investment would prosper. Her fiance told her weeks later the man had run away with all the investor’s money. She asked him about their money and he nonchalantly said it was gone.

He could do whatever he wanted with his money but she was not going to allow him to do whatever he wanted with her money. She expressed her displeasure at his careless use of money and how it did not speak well of him. He downplayed her feelings which only served to rile her. His nonchalant attitude hurt her, where was the Jamal she had fallen in love with?

My boyfriend doesn’t listen to me, And goodbye to worry

Ayo got home and did some serious thinking. Was this how she would get married to someone who is financially irresponsible? Was this the person she would have kids with? Could she trust this person with the future of her and her kids? Could she submit to his leadership?

By the time she had freshened up and laid on her bed, she knew what to do.

She waited for her anger to abate before she met with him and gave him an ultimatum; to either change or risk losing her. She believed her threat worked only to find out again he invested in a Ponzi scheme.

Ayo gave it a long thought and decided to break it off with him. She could live with imperfections but not the kind that threatened her financial security.

She invited him out to dinner and broke it off with him, returning his ring and most importantly, returning home with her expensive piece of mind.


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