My friend raped me; he destroyed me.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
Is divorce bad/mildstrings/Twitter

Trust is earned but not when everything within you wants to be with that person. You don’t think about trust, you don’t think about their lifestyle. Most of these things fall into place and it doesn’t occur to you that you are playing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I considered him my friend but he hurt me when he abused me sexually and I realized humans are not to be trusted until healing came. My friend raped me.

My friend raped me

I skipped and kicked away the bottle in my path. I was finally going to see my sweetheart today. He asked me to come visit him and I gladly accepted. It was another level in our relationship and I was happy he was ready to move us forward. Goke was the most intelligent boy in class, most popular, most handsome, and the most crushed on. I had a crush on him, a crush that left me breathing hard each time he came near me or brushed past me.

The first time he noticed me was when we both had to represent the school at a competition. I wasn’t supposed to go to the competition but the girl who was chosen was sick and thus could not go. I was a math whiz and so naturally, the mantle fell on me. We had to sit together and practice for the competition and thus our companionship began from there. Girls in the class had been jealous, they wanted to be close to him instead. After we had won the competition, he asked me to date him and I agreed. I told my friend and she advised me against dating her, I ignored her because I knew she wanted to date him too. She was jealous of me.

I got to Goke’s house and knocked on his door, and he opened the door. He smiled and I came in. He hugged me before I took my seat and he served me some drinks while we talked.

My friends raped me

As we talked, some of my secondary school classmates started to come out of the inner room of the house. I was surprised to see them and I asked him why there were guys in his house. He told me not to worry, and I relaxed, I trusted him. Soon more guys emerged and in their total, they were like seven guys, seven of his popular friends. They were strangely looking at me while Goke was just smiling.

I felt strange, uncomfortable and nervous and I decided to leave. I told Goke I was going home and he wished me farewell. I was shocked by his coldness but leaving his house was more important. I got to the door and tried to open it but it was locked. I tried again, this time frantically. I looked behind me to see them smiling sinisterly. I was full-blown afraid now. I wondered what I could do.

Goke stood up and came to me, he tried to hold me but I threw him off and turned back to pull the door with all my strength. He wrenched me from the door and threw me into a couch, two guys came to hold my hands and another two, my legs. Goke took off my skirt and in a few moments, I was naked. I was crying and begging frantically but it fell on deaf ears. He took off his clothes and the more he got close to taking me forcefully, the more I became frantic. I could not bear the shame of being treated like this. He finally had his way with me and by the time the fourth boy had his way with me, I had lost my voice. 

I was raped by a friend

My friend raped me/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

They all had their way with me and with so much pain in my body, I was pushed out of Goke’s house. I wore my clothes and went home limping. I cried myself to sleep and woke up shouting. I cleaned myself up. If my parents found out, they would blame me so I bore it alone. It was painful but I was glad my parents had travelled. 

I helped myself get better, I could not confide in anyone. I went back to school and became a recluse. I was wary of people and I couldn’t stand Goke’s presence or the presence of any other man. When we were chosen again to represent our school together and I found out I was to represent with Goke, I was afraid and could not move for a while. He saw how shaken I was and when he tried to get close, I shouted at him and he had to get away. I had to turn down going to the competition because I lived in constant fear of the male gender.

Throughout the rest of my year in secondary school, I avoided Goke, his friends, and men in general when I could help it.  I evaded my friends a lot and they seemed not to care. I wanted to be alone most time. Rumours were flying around but I did not care. I just wanted to live in my world.

I was raped by my best friend

I went through university avoiding guys, I was at the top of my class but I could not help it, I could not stand my repulsion for the male gender and when they tried to touch me it was either I screamed or I panicked. One time, a guy tried to touch me forcefully and I slapped him and ran away. I was known as the freak but I was still at the top of my class. My trauma and fear paralyzed me in my social activities. This was not how I planned to live my life at the university.

My friend raped me

Upon graduating, I took up a remote job because I was anti-social. I also moved to a new church where I met a guy, who wanted to get close but I did not give him chance.  He kept coming around and at some point, I allowed him to have his way albeit to my displeasure. He just wanted to talk to me and I allowed him. Many times, he would come around and I would be quiet and working. He would want to talk but there was nothing to say. I never allowed him to come close to me or sit near me. This is the best he could get. He would go into the kitchen and make us something to eat and he would offer them to me. They tasted good, he could cook, I thought to myself. 

He was always spending his free time around me. Somehow, he had torn my defenses. He was a financial analyst which accounted for his free time. I wondered what he wanted with me but I was not going to probe. I did not need it. 

My friend raped me

Somehow, I began to open up to him. Two words here or there and a few conversations.

And one ordinary day, I told him about my rape incident, it was hard but I wanted to do it, I wanted to talk to him.  When I was through, I was crying at the top of my voice. He made to hug me but I recoiled and asked him to leave. 

He left and every day would come knock so I can come open the door but I was not responding. I felt ashamed, ashamed that he knew my story. I missed him badly but I couldn’t bear to see him.

I stopped going out for a while and when he had had enough, he forced the door open and bundled me to a therapist at Mildstrings. It was a crazy situation but he said he was tired of me holing myself up at home. I stayed with the therapist, she was patient with me, it took me three months to get me to open up but I finally did and it was therapeutic. She gave me some counselling and I went home and slept a little better. It was a slow process but I was getting better. I could now hug my friend and I was not afraid of the male gender. This new development made him happy. We spent lots of time hugging and talking. Whenever he was not around, I missed him. He quickly became my everything.

We spend the most time together and it’s bliss with him. I am grateful that he did not give up on me. There is no resistance with him. We got married after five years and I am not repulsed, therapy has done a lot for me. I am alive and not sad. I can make more out of life. Getting married to my best friend would not have been possible had I not gotten the services of a therapist.


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