My husband abused me: how I got therapy to heal.

by Onyinye Ogbuka

My husband abused me

I nervously greeted the therapist and she replied warmly. I still as I remember what brought me here.

We got married much against the wishes of my parents. They did not like him, the tilt of his mouth which they considered haughty, I couldn’t understand why on earth my parents did not like him. They begged and threatened and I maintained my stance to get married to him. I loved him all my heart, Fred was my dream man and nothing was going to stop me from getting married to him.

Amidst their disapproval, I got married to Fred. We moved in and began our marital journey. Six months into our marriage, I wondered why on earth my parents insisted that I do not get married to Fred. I was enjoying married to him, he was everything and more. Already, to his delight, I was pregnant. Five months was all that was left before I would deliver our baby.

In the sixth month of my pregnancy, Fred and I fought over how he spent a particular sum of money. We had initially budgeted that money for other things that were of more importance to our forthcoming child but he spent it on wall art. I was mad and shouted at him about how I was disappointed that he did something like that.  As I was talking, he slapped me across my face, the force of the slap was so much that I staggered. I was shocked, how the hell did that happen? He reached for me, held me and slapped me several times whilst calling me unprintable names. I did not know what to do. 

After he was done, I sat down crying. I did not know what to do.

My husband abused me: how I got therapy to heal

He didn’t apologize for beating me up, he accused me of making him lose his control. I had to be the one to apologize when he refused to eat the meals that I made. 

I thought that was going to be the end of it. I was in for the worst period of my life.  Fred beat me up without any remorse and always at the slightest instance. It was a miracle that I did not lose my baby.

My husband abused me: how I got therapy to heal/mildstrings/Pinterest pin

At work, people were asking me what was wrong but I kept covering for him. I could not tell anyone what I was going through. I could not talk to my parents, they had important positions in the church. It’s unheard that the child of a deacon was going to get a divorce.

I gave birth and that was the first time in a long time that I saw Fred at his happiest. It gave some hope that maybe the beating would stop. 

It did for a while and later it started again. He beat me so bad and so consistently that I always had an injury on one part of my body or the other. Some of the wounds that had closed were opened again.

 He did not only beat me, he insulted me and called me all manner of names. 

I continued with the intent of enduring until a co-worker approached me and got me to open up to her.

She made sure to get me a therapist at Mildstrings. During the series of sessions with the therapist. I saw what I had been allowing Fred to do to me. He had trashed my emotions and my self-esteem. I cried bitterly when I remembered how my parents begged me to not marry him. The therapist at Mildstrings helped me see what I can do.

My husband abused me: how I got therapy to heal

I reported my husband to human rights and filed for a divorce and promptly moved out to my parents’ house. They welcomed me with open arms.

It was long process but I finally got a divorce and won custody over my child. I also got a restraining order against him.

Having gotten a divorce, the whole pain of being alone and having my forever shattered threatened to send me into depression. My therapist helped me get to a place of healing and that was all I needed to be free.

I am grateful that I got therapy. I no longer live in fear of my husband and I am living my best life now.

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