Not getting attention of husband, how it almost ruined my marriage.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
Not getting attention of husband/mildstrings/Twitter

For a marriage to stand, there are pillars in a marriage that must not be destroyed. Not getting enough attention from my husband almost ruined the beautiful thing, I had with my husband. Here is how we overcame it.

Not getting attention of husband… stay with me

“Honey, I have been missing you. I have not felt you for about a month now,” I whined as I wrapped my arms around him from behind.

“Baby, I know, I want to spend time with you but we have bills to pay so that means I have to work hard to provide. He knotted his tie properly.

I stepped away and pouted.

It was more serious than I was making it look. I needed him, I badly needed him. He has not touched me for the past two months. It’s work, work and work. Even when he is home, our special moments are always disrupted by calls.

This is not what I signed up for.

Things were not rosy when we got married. I met him as a struggling marketer working for a pharmaceutical company.  I was not better off then, I was a teacher in a big school. We had dated for a while and we knew what we wanted. Our love saw us down the aisle within two years of meeting each other. 

When we decided to get married, our families put up a fight but when they saw our resolve, they supported us. We got married and moved into a one-bedroom apartment. 

When he was still the struggling marketer I met, we had time together. He paid me a lot of attention and we were happy. We didn’t have much but it didn’t matter. We loved each and enjoyed each other’s company and that was more than enough for me.

Not getting attention of husband… Misplaced priorities.

Soon he began to make headway in his profession. From being a mere member of the sales department, he rose to the position of the team leader, and then to the position of the lead marketer.  Another company saw his potential and offered him the role of a CMO in their startup. He accepted the offer and that seemed like our lives had changed overnight because he was earning seven figures monthly. In a short time, we moved into a duplex and we were able to own our cars. Life could only get better. 

However, the more money my husband amassed, the busier he became, the more of his attention I lost and the more I became lonely. His attention was now seventy-five per cent focused on making money. He was heading three companies as their chief marketing officer. I am proud of my husband but I never imagined there would be a price for his success. We didn’t communicate like before and it felt like we were roommates.

Not getting attention of husband… Sounds of lone

Not getting attention of husband/mildstrings
Not getting attention of husband,

I saw him off to the door where I watched him get into his expensive jeep and drive out. I felt alone in this big house. Pushing my feelings aside, I bounded up the stairs and plopped on a couch in front of our 52′ inch TV. 

A few hours after he had left, I was bored out of my mind and restless. I surfed the channels for a while before my mind went to my husband. We would cuddle on the couch in front of the TV and laugh at silly people. He loves watching Marvel and I prefer Mexican movies. Whenever we watched TV together, I allowed him to watch his favourite movies while he talked me through them. I love hearing his voice so close to me. I smiled at how beautiful those moments were, I cherished them a lot. I looked at the empty couch and felt a tug of loneliness. I could not watch his favourite movies, the last time I tried it, it felt weird and I slept off. What exactly happened to us?

Not getting attention of husband… adventures

Without a second thought, I jerked to my feet, I am going to be happy and nothing would stop that. I went into the bedroom my husband and I shared. In a few minutes, I already had donned skinny jeans that hugged my legs, and a t-shirt that snugged around my bust. I was going to go out and have fun. I slipped my legs into a pair of Nike air force. A cross bag would go with this too, and so I got that. I set off my look with mascara, red lipstick and a pair of diamond earrings. I smiled, my husband had gotten me these earrings when we moved in earlier, it was our fourth anniversary. 

I came down and got into my car. I am going to drive to a nice restaurant and eat some nice food. That was the least I could do, one moment more in that house and they would have to register me in a psychiatric hospital. I turned on my Google map to see the nearest restaurant to me. I picked the one that read “Hot bites”, it sounded hot, I laughed at myself. I followed google’s direction and soon found the restaurant and swung into the lot.

I made my way into the restaurant and sat down looking around. I liked the ambience of the restaurant, it felt homely and I took a seat at a remote table. In a short time, a waiter walked up to me and I ordered their peppered chicken and fried potatoes. My meal arrived in less than 15 minutes.

Bites… Danger

I dug into it and the sheer taste of their chicken sent my brain into overdrive. It was really good, I did not know when I cleared my plates. I could do this every day, I thought. I decided I was going to come here every day. I paid my bill and went home.

I began the daily ritual of going to hot bites. Doing this daily helped me take my mind off things. I no longer felt lonely. It was fun dressing up and going out. If I ever get bored, I would go find another restaurant.

I swung into the parking lot and I came down. I noticed a haggard-looking woman standing with her three kids. She was standing at the entrance of the restaurant’s premises and looking at the restaurant longingly. Her situation tugged at my heartstrings, it’s obvious she lacked food to give to her children. I walked up to her and pulled out a wad of cash which I gave her. She accepted it eagerly and thanked me and profusely.

Not getting attention of husband… And I see you again

I made my way into the restaurant and took my usual spot. Seeing the woman had dampened my happiness, I did not have kids yet. In our third year, when things started looking up for us, we decided to start trying for a baby. I kept having miscarriages, and the doctor advised that I stopped stressing. We unanimously came to a decision that I stopped work. I did and three years into that decision, I am yet to conceive. Funny that it was when I decided to stay home, my husband started chasing money. My main reason for staying home has been relegated to the background. I let out a chuckle at the irony of it all. 

I picked a different kind of meal today,  nothing better than good food to heal an ailment. The waiter placed my order and I dug in with gusto. Halfway through my meal, I heard “Tola”, I looked up and it was my ex. For a minute, I was star-struck, this was Obi standing before me. He has added more muscles and was spotting beards. I was jolted out of my reverie when I heard the scraping of a chair against the floor. He had taken a sit before me. 

I smiled and greeted him, he looked so happy to see me. I shared his excitement, it has been a while. We exchanged pleasantries and played a bit of catch up. When we were through, he collected my number and offered to pay for my meal, I declined but his insistence wore mine out and I had to oblige him. He saw me off to my car and bade me farewell. 

Ex, wonderful, beautiful guy

I was truly excited to see him, he is so buff now

Truly, life has been good to him. I smiled and laughed. I looked at sky through the car and said to myself, “today is a beautiful day”. 

My ex, a beautiful wonderful guy. We broke up because I didn’t share his feelings and did not want to hurt him. I was amazed he accepted our breakup amicably. It was beautiful, no doubt, what we had.

In the evening, he texted me on WhatsApp to check up on me and from there, we started talking. We decided to meet up and we met at a favourite place. Being with him made my worries fly away. For someone so rich, he seems to have a lot of time on his hands, I found out he worked from home. Inwardly, I wished my husband would do the same.

We met up several times to just talk.

Not getting attention of husband/Pinterest pin/mildstrings


One day, when we went food tasting, while in his car coming back from our adventures, he asked about children and I opened up to him about my childlessness. I started crying, and the weight of loneliness fully settled on me. He found a safe spot to park and quickly came around to my side of the car. He opened up the door and crushed me to his chest while comforting me. I cried a bit more and he pecked me on my forehead to comfort me. I felt electricity zing through me at the contact of his lips on my skin. I looked up and all I could think of was how beautiful his lips were.

I was at an advantage because we were almost the same height, I held his face and kissed him. He stiffened before he drove his tongue into me and we melded into one. He took his time kissing me as if he was searching out all my secrets. I felt blood gathering at my core and when he touched my breast and fondled it, I let out a small scream and came apart. 

Was I that horny? We slowed and he asked if I was okay and I replied in the affirmative. He tucked me into my seat and gave me another peck before running around to come join me. It was silent in the car till I got down and waved him bye. 

I came into the house and met my husband pacing in the living room.

A lie and a truth

“Where were you, he asked.

My heart started racing. I tried to find my breath so I could sound normal, “I was out with a friend”. 

He stood with his hands akimbo, “a friend hun? A friend you have been going around with, cavorting the whole of Lagos with?

“Yes a friend”, I remembered the kiss in the car and I felt guilty and decided to be honest with him, “he is my ex”, I added.

He looked angry and ordered me to stop seeing him. I agreed with him, apologized, and we hugged it out. I had to be more careful, I figured my husband would know about my movement because my ex and I have been to almost every part of town.

We both had dinner and went to bed.

My husband woke me up in the middle of the night and showed me the message on my phone. It was my ex saying he enjoyed our kiss. I was in fear, I looked at my husband his face was masked. I knelt to beg him and told him I can explain. By the time I was through explaining myself, his anger had thumped through the roof. I kept looking at him rant about how he works hard and all I do is eat and go around town with my ex. I was trying to cool the simmering rage inside of me, then I could not hold it anymore.

Longing, deferred hope and a faint heart

Not getting attention of husband/mildstrings

“What is your problem”, I shouted, “what is your fucking problem? I have apologized, what else do you want me to do. Do you think I would have found myself in this situation if you had paid the littlest bit of attention to me? I am always begging you to spend time with me and yet, you go around the world leaving your wife behind. I am not justifying my actions. Yes, I was wrong but you enabled it. It’s different if you travelled and stayed somewhere else but you are around and I am lonely, it’s worse. It was just a kiss, yes, but I orgasmed. I feel guilty that I came apart in the arms of another man with just a kiss but when last did you touch me? When last?

We decided I would stay at home to ease conception, now I don’t even have your attention talk more of sex, how many times have I asked for sex and you declined? You stand there saying all I know how to do is to cavort. I could not stand his presence, I grabbed the comforter and strode out of the bedroom.

I went to the sitting room to sleep, he did not seek me out. I was so ashamed of myself, I cheated on him and now he would leave me. 

Not getting attention of husband… the drawing board

We moved about our daily affairs for about a week without talking to each other. I took out that time to start a YouTube channel, I had to get this loneliness off and I had to start earning so YouTube was a good option. I also had a long call with my ex in which I apologized and made him understand why we need to stop talking. He was gracious and when we ended the call, I made sure to block him on whatsapp and every other social media channel.

Hitch... And stronger

My husband made me breakfast one morning, after a week of silence, he served me in bed and apologized. He claimed to have reflected on the whole situation and realized that he was a major stakeholder in the way I acted. I cried and expressed my remorse. We both forgave each other and ate. 

It took a while before we could get our groove back on. When we finally did, by then he had cut back on work. I made him a rule; work stays in the office and home is meant for family. He eagerly agreed, he didn’t go to bed so tired anymore, and we made love several times. We spent much more time together. 

Three months after the incident, I took in and was confirmed pregnant by the doctor. I shut myself indoors and my husband cut back on work so he could be home early to take care of me.

After eight months, I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. My husband was over joyed. In the labour room, he looked at me and said “I love you”. I smiled weakly with my heart full of gratitude. ” I love you too”.


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