What is a perfect marriage?

by Onyinye Ogbuka

What is a perfect marriage?

Imagine walking into a garden of flowers and you are wowed, quite unbelievably at the wonder that  surrounds you. The beautiful labyrinth of colours and all the beautiful scents that they have to offer.

You would certainly consider the garden perfect and if you could help it, you would want to spend all of your time in the garden beholding the beauty of the flowers.

However, you don’t know the amount of work that the gardener has put into making bringing that garden into its beautiful state. The gardener in rain and sunshine has cultivated, pulled out, weeded and planted these flowers and has remained consistent in nurturing the flowers till they have matured into their full beauty. 

Funny enough, people think that no marriage is perfect and it is quite sad to discover that many people have this mindset and it reflects in their marriage. 

Just the way a beautiful flower garden is, marriage is also like that. Marriage takes a lot of work. 

What is a perfect marriage?

A perfect marriage is not one where the couple does not fight or argue, have issues, or go through life issues. A perfect marriage is one where there are two imperfect people who despite their imperfections are willing, dedicated and committed to making their marriage work. 

Nothing is more beautiful to see than two people who have sworn not to go their separate ways no matter how tough it is. Most often, they are consistently trying to improve themselves, let go of things and are generally flexible in their approach to life.

Mildstrings has discovered that the success of most marriages is not necessarily about how well each of the couples complements each other but rather how most couples were willing and committed to making their marriage work.

Three things make a marriage work 

Conflict and conflict resolution. 

Humans are not perfect and because they are not,it’s impossible that two people will coexist without fighting especially if they live in proximity to each other. When couples live with each other, it is certainly normal for them to have issues with each other. Conflict is completely normal but what is not normal is when the conflict goes unresolved and both parties do not bother to seek peace or apologize to each other over an extended period of time. This is dangerous because marriage is like a wall and conflict is like a crack in the wall. Not apologizing or seeking to resolve the conflict will widen the crack till it becomes a hole in which anything can come through. Couples with happy marriages are quick to apologize and resolve conflict.

What is a perfect marriage?/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

Focusing on each other’s strength

One of the ways to create a much happier marriage is ensuring that you focus on your partner’s strength. Whatever you focus on grows, so if you focus on your partner’s weaknesses, you will find it difficult to appreciate your partner.  If you focus on their strength it’s more easier to deal with their weaknesses. This does not mean that their weaknesses should not and cannot be worked on but staying focused on their weaknesses defeats the entire purpose of being happy.

Choose to be attracted to your partner. 

When you don’t know someone it’s easier to create an image about them in your head and about how perfect they are. When you come closer, you see them for who they are and you are shocked to see all the castles you have built in the air crashing down like a pack of cards. This is because you are seeing their weaknesses and what makes them human whereas you have built the image of a god in your head.

At this point, it’s easy to lose your connection to them and go off searching for another who will fit your fantasy but it would always result in a wild goose chase. So for that partner, you have seen all their weaknesses you have to choose to keep being attracted to them, to be committed, to give your best in rain and sunshine, to weather the storm together. Choose one good thing about your partner and concentrate on that. It will help you remain focused.

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