When is it okay to stop marriage counselling?

by Onyinye Ogbuka
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I was not the sort to go out often because I was an indoor person. That day, I was so just so pumped about going out.  My enthusiasm was surprising but it did not deter me. When is it okay to stop marriage counselling?

Loves and movies

I was dressed to the nines and by the time I got out of my house. I still had no clue as to where I wanted to go spend my day. The cinema was the best option, I didn’t feel like exacting so much strength but at the same time, I wanted to enjoy myself.

I drove to the Cinema and settled for a movie. When I had settled into my seat with my popcorn and drinks, the movie started rolling and I watched. Halfway into the movie, someone sat close to me and when I looked sideways to see who, it was an attractive-looking guy. I was a bit flustered and turned my attention away from him. I had difficulty concentrating on the movie because I was so aware of his presence. By the time the movie ended, we were talking already and was liking him so much.

When is it okay to stop marriage counselling?/Pinterest pin/mildstrings

He had a great sense of humour and a sleek voice that threatened to send me out of my mind. We went eating and did a whole lot of other fun stuff. When it was time to part, we exchanged numbers and he was ready to see me off which he did. 

We conversed throughout the week so many times and when it was looking like what we had was solid, we turned it into a relationship.

Few months into our relationship, we started having issues. I loved him and did not want to let him go but I couldn’t not live with all the demands he was making

We contacted a therapist at Mildstrings and because the therapy was online, he advised that we stay into together so it can be more effective. 

We started therapy sessions and that was when I found out that my boyfriend has a very different upbringing from mine. 

He wanted me to cook, clean and wash for him because he came from a home where his mum did everything and his Dad just provided. I was different, my mom and dad were very much involved in house chores. Even when they did not have the time, they had people do the job. It was just weird that he expected me to come to his house and assume such duties when he could easily hire someone to help him with this things. My therapist got us to come to a compromise which made both of us satisfied.

When is it okay to stop marriage counseling

We had a goal and it was that at the end of the therapy sessions, we would see eye to eye on important issues.

Therapy was not easy because it helped me see what I was missing, all the grey lines that would have impacted our marriage negatively had we gotten married. There are days when I was disgusted by his ideologies, I wondered how on earth I was dating someone like him. There are days when I blessed God that I met him. At some point, it didn’t seem sensible to continue with the therapy. It looked like we were taking two steps forward and three steps backwards. Our therapist convinced me that we were making progress. He asked me to look at the bright side of things, my boyfriend; was a man willing to work on himself and improve himself. It’s rare to have such a man that would allow his beliefs and ideologies to be challenged like that. 

When is it okay to stop marriage counseling

It took some time, but we were beginning to see eye to eye on vital issues, we did more critical thinking than thinking with our emotions. We put each other first and ourselves in each other’s shoes. This helped our relationship as we were more in sync. When we finally got to the point where we could see eye to eye on most issues. The therapist wished us well in our relationship and we dated some more and got married with a better mindset toward marriage.

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