When is the right time to define a relationship?

by Onyinye Ogbuka
When is the right time to define a relationship/mildstrings/Twitter

When is the right time to define a relationship? Wow, just wow. Thinking about it is so funny, I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of a fool I have been. To think that I was in a relationship with someone only for me to discover after a long time that we were never in a relationship. I didn’t see the need to define my relationship with my supposed partner and this is what happened.

When is the right time to define a relationship? Sleeping beauty

I was in my third year at the university when I met Felix who was a Master’s student. After a stressful registration, I was walking to my hostel when I met him. I was tired, hungry, and walking under a biting sun. His car honked behind me but I didn’t look behind me to see because I didn’t think the honk was meant for me. He had to bring his car abreast of me, and offered me a ride and I gratefully took it. 

The air-conditioner in his car was certainly not from here as I slept off immediately I laid my head on the headrest. Three hours later, I jerked my eyes open and looked around frantically. I was afraid that I had been kidnapped. 

When I calmed down, I realized he had parked the car at a cool spot and left the AC running so I could enjoy my sleep. Damn, I was so deep in my sleep I did not know when he stopped driving. I mentally scolded myself, naso you enter stranger car sleep, dem for kidnap you!

I thanked him for providing me with such comfort and expressed my desire to get going. He assured me that I have nothing to be afraid of. Felix expressed his curiosity about me and that was the start of a conversation that lasted the entire evening.

He offered to buy me dinner which I considered gracious of him. When we finished dinner, he offered to drop me at my hostel. By the time I waved him bye, we had exchanged contact.

When is the right time to define a relationship? Fattening for slaughter

I texted him that night to show my appreciation and we chatted late into the  night. 

We continued talking in between my lectures and his lectures. I found out he worked in a company and was currently running his masters at the same time. His parents were well-to-do and his siblings were abroad. He was quite the catch, I said to myself. 

The next week, he invited me to his house. He played the perfect host by ordering my favorite pizza and ice cream. We hung out and had a good time.

I continued visiting because he always invited me over. It was great that we could hang out like that. I liked him a lot.

A month after I started coming to his house, he made sexual advances toward me. It was great to know I was not the only one that was attracted to the other. I responded eagerly and we had sex.

I was about to leave the next morning and he hugged me. He murmured he was going to miss me. Before I knew it, he started peppering kisses all over my neck and fondling my breast.  He didn’t have to do much because we fell back into bed and had another bout of sex. I missed my classes that day because he had such a ravenous appetite.

The key to your house or to your heart?

We continued having sex and hanging out. After some months, he gave me the keys to his house and I was happy that our relationship had gotten to such an extent.

When is the right time to define a relationship/pinterest pin/mildstrings

After my classes, I went to the market and bought some soup ingredients. I rushed back to his house and made a pot of delicious stew before he came back. By the time he came back, I had freshened up and was putting on his shorts and a flimsy top. I knew how decadent I looked. It pleased me to no end the expression of pleasant surprise on his face when he came back. He ate his food with pleasure whilst staring at me lustily. There was no sleep this night and I looked forward to it.  I did this to appreciate him for giving me the keys to his house.

I would always come to his house and cook for him. He would give me money for housekeeping and I would use it to maintain the house and make meals.

I took it upon myself to wash his clothes and clean his house. He appreciated my efforts by getting me some nice things. He also took care of me by giving me money for my upkeep. I made sure to grab every given opportunity to appreciate him for being a caring boyfriend.

When is the right time to define a relationship? It looks like love.

Whenever my hostel was too noisy for me, I would go to his house to cool off. We celebrated our first anniversary together and it was beautiful. He took to me out to a nice place where we had a romantic dinner. By this time, I was in my fourth year already, so I moved into his house so I could concentrate. We started living together like a couple. My friends knew him and envied me.

When it was time for my graduation, he was there for me. I also introduced him to my parents who were happy such an established man was my boyfriend.

I was posted to a state far away from his place so I talked to him and he helped me work it back to his state of residence. It was great he did that because I was redeployed to the state he was in. We continued living like husband and wife.  

By the time I was through with my National Youth Service Corps, we had celebrated our second anniversary which I posted all over my social media platforms.

My boyfriend was kind enough to help me get a job in a bank which I was grateful for and ensured to appreciate him. We loved each other and I was glad I had found someone I could spend the rest of my life with. 

We celebrated our fourth anniversary together. He had finished his master’s and had applied for his Ph.D. abroad. I was happy for him and thanked my stars because he would be taking me along.

The irony of the luckiest woman alive.

My parents had started asking me when he would come and perform the necessary rites. I didn’t want to bring up the conversation with him so it wouldn’t look like I was forcing him. When it got too much, I had to sit my boyfriend down and have a conversation with him.

I prepared his favorite; pounded yam and Egusi soup. Immediately after he was through with his meal, I cleared the table and retired to the sitting room with him.

I held his hands, “Hey babe, I want to appreciate you for all you have been doing for me. I bless the day I met you. Thank you for listening to me and taking care of me all this while. I feel like the luckiest woman alive whenever I am with you.

He covered my hands with his, gave me a peck on the cheek, and replied, “you are welcome babe, I am glad to do this for you”.

“So what are you planning to do now that you’ve applied for your Ph.D.? I asked.

He replied, “I will continue to wait. I have to process my Visa and I have my passport

As his girlfriend, I was impressed I had such a focused man, “When will you help me get my passport too? Isn’t it better we leave together when you get us a visa?

A look of confusion crossed his face, “passport for what?

“Passport for me to travel with you and besides I need to need to start my M.sc too”.

“I don’t understand, why are you talking about visa and passport? He asked.

AK47’s and missiles

Why was he being dodgy. “As your wife to be, I should travel with you, or did you not make plans for that?

He looked shocked, like he was about to laugh, “I certainly did not make plans for you. Why should I? And why are you calling yourself my wife?

“You should make plans for me too because I am your girlfriend and we are dating. We are also going to get married, are we not? I did not like the way he was acting and I was getting annoyed with him.

“Who made you my girlfriend and when did we start dating? Why are you even talking about marriage, that is not even in the picture”.

I felt dread crawling all over my stomach and I attempted to stifle it, what the hell was I hearing?

“What have we been doing for the past 4 years if it’s not dating? I asked.

“We have been having sex and enjoying each other. More like friends with benefits. I didn’t even ask you to be my girlfriend”. Indifference was written all over his face.

When is the right time to define a relationship/mildstrings
When is the right time to define a relationship

When is the right time to define a relationship? We never dated

“I can’t believe that, why will you say such a thing? I have been with you for the past 4 years. Taking care of you, having sex with you, making your meals, washing your clothes, cleaning your house, and doing everything I can to keep you happy and you say we are not dating? I had a violent headache that threatened to make me lose my sanity.

“I am sorry if you got the message wrong, I thought you understood, and I never asked you to be my girlfriend. As I said earlier, we are just friends with benefits. You were a good fuck, plus you are domesticated and that was why we lasted. I allowed you to call yourself my girlfriend because I thought it made you feel better. Most importantly, I can never marry you. I have a fiancee abroad that I am supposed to join when I start my Ph.D.

That was the bombshell I needed to make me drop to my knees.

When is the right time to define a relationship? What is a farce again?

I sat down and tears streamed down my face. Four years was a sham, a farce, an illusion. I cried for a long time. He was right, he never asked me out. I just assumed. So four years were just gone like that. A pointless relationship that had no potential of leading anywhere.  

I went inside and packed my bags, he was watching me and did not attempt to beg me to stay or say he was sorry, that he was only joking. It was certain now, he was serious.

I had been in an undefined relationship for four years in which I assumed I was the girlfriend and wife to be. Alas, I was wrong.

I picked up my bags and made my way home with tears in my eyes.


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