When she doesn’t respect you; break up with her!

by Onyinye Ogbuka
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When she doesn’t respect you. “No, I will not, refusing to cook shows I will not be controlled by anybody, not even your family. And besides, when you visited my parents last week, how did they treat you?

“Yes, your family treated me well because I am the head of the house. You were supposed to submit to my family. It’s as simple as that”. Segun didn’t understand why she wanted them to be treated equally. She was the woman and he was the man.

When she doesn’t respect you; you have captured my heart

Segun smiled to himself as he casually threw a glance at his girlfriend who was dozing beside him. Who would have believed he would end up with such a paragon of beauty. She was everything he wanted in a wife and more. He loved her mind, her soul, her drive, her best, and, her body. He could not wait to make her his.

They had met on a plane to Abuja. The attraction was mutual and every other thing became history. 

Now they were on their way to see his parents, he wanted his parents to meet the woman who had captured his heart. He smiled when he remembered how his parents used to hound him every day to bring a wife home, now they would stop hounding him. Segun felt everything falling into place.

He tapped his fiancée up. She woke up with a jolt and asked him if they had gotten there, he smiled and said no. He just wants her to freshen up if she needs to, so she won’t look like she was sleeping by the time they got there. She smiled and thanked him.

Lola considered herself lucky as she dusted her face and reapplied her makeup on the necessary areas. She loved Segun and was glad she was finally settling down. She was nervous and tried to calm herself as she always did before any business meeting she had.

When she doesn’t respect you; flesh of my flesh

By the time she smacked her lips, Segun had driven into his parent’s compound. She came down and straightened her skirt. She was on a white short-sleeved shirt and black flared skirt. Lola wanted to look as conservative as possible and as beautiful as possible. She had asked her makeup artist to come to give her a face beat earlier as she was too nervous to do it herself. Lola also had fixed her nails a nude color. She ensured her long braids were well packed.

Lola took in the house, it was a nice-looking bungalow. She noticed two old model cars parked beside the house. In no time, Segun had come down and had come around the car to hold her hand. They made their way into the house. 

As expected of them,  Segun’s parents were in the sitting room. Segun prostrated before his parents while Lola knelt to greet them.

Segun’s siblings came out to greet Segun and Lola. Lola took note of them, he had told her about his siblings. He was the firstborn, he had a brother and two sisters who were still in school. She could identify them according to their pictures. They exchanged pleasantries. 

When she doesn’t respect you; A thousand questions

When they were done, they all took their seats around the sitting room. 

Segun’s parents welcomed Lola. They asked about her family, her job, and herself. Lola was happy to give her best reply to their questions. She saw them bobbing their head in approval as she gave answers to some of the questions they asked.

Lola breathed a sigh of relief by the time they were done. She was happy. It had gone better than she imagined.

She was about to rest her back against the chair and sit more comfortably when she heard Segun’s mother calling her.

“Ma’am”, she answered.

Segun’s mother was a big-sized woman whose main feature was her dimples.

When she doesn’t respect you; A test of will

“My dear, why not go to the kitchen and make something for your in-laws to eat”

Lola thought she heard wrong, “I’m sorry ma, please can you repeat yourself?

“Yes my dear, you heard clearly. Why not go into the kitchen and make something for us to eat. Segun’s mother smiled.

When she doesn't respect you /mildstrings/pinterest pin

Lola thought she was dreaming, she looked at Segun, she could not read the expression on his face. Lola looked at her painted nails and felt her heart beating.  What was she going to say? Well, there was silence in the room, she was yet to move from her seat and everyone’s attention was on her. What was she going to do?.

Segun had told her his mother liked being in control, she didn’t think it was going to play out so soon.  Lola could not pinpoint how exactly she felt but for sure, she knew she was shocked. This was the first time she was coming to their house and they wanted her to cook already. Lola knew she was not the kind to be shoved under a table. It’s either she goes into that kitchen and forfeit her control forever or she sits her ass down, politely turn down such a preposterous request, and watches how this plays out.

She looked at Segun’s mother square in the eyes, smiled, and with the meekest voice she could muster, “Ma, I am sorry, it’s my first time here, I can’t go into your kitchen to cook for your family. I am the guest here and should be treated as such.

She smiled again and relaxed against the chair properly.

When she doesn’t respect you … One against six

There was silence in the room, Lola scanned the faces in the room. Segun’s father was trying to mask the shock on his face and Segun’s siblings had their jaws practically touching the floor.

A look of surprise crossed Segun’s mother’s face which she was quick to mask before smiling. “Okay my dear, if you say so”.

Taiye”, she called the girl twin, “go inside and bring them some refreshments”.

The rest of the meeting continued in silence with small conversations coming up here and there and quickly dying out. There was a big elephant in the room everyone was trying to ignore and that smote the life out of every conversation that arose in the room.

Thirty minutes later, Segun stood, motioned his fiancee to stand up, and bid his parents farewell.

Lola did not know how to feel, she felt wrong for doing such a thing, and at the same time, she felt right for doing it. She resigned herself to time, only time would tell if she was right or not.

Head up high

She glanced at Segun as he drove out of the compound. His face was set, it was well masked. She tried to make a conversation about his siblings and she was met with a wall. That was enough for her to know Segun was angry with her.

Well, she had better start thinking of what she was going to say. 

Segun drove straight to his house, came down from the car, and went inside. She followed suit and when she got inside she met him standing with his hands akimbo.

“What was the meaning of the stunt you pulled at my parent’s house, Lola?

“There is no meaning behind it, it’s me just doing what I think is right”.

Segun’s anger was written on his face now. He didn’t like that his girlfriend had done something like that. “What you think is right? Oh, I will tell you what is wrong. You refused my mother’s bidding in front of the entire family? You disobeyed her!

Lola sighed. “Yes, I did, her request was preposterous. How can she ask me to cook on my first time visiting your family? That is not okay at all. It does not make sense at all”.

“But that does not give you the right to disobey her. It’s wrong. You should have gone into the kitchen to make the meal.”

“No, I will not, refusing to cook shows I will not be controlled by anybody, not even your family. And besides when you visited my parents last week how did they treat you?

“They treated me like a king”, Segun wasn’t sure where she was driving.

A king and submission

“They treated you like a king when you came and they served you the best they had, the best wine they had.  I saw the way you ate. My mom took special care to make that food. Did my father ask you to go into the kitchen to cook, did he ask you to go wash his car. You were well dressed and did not have to roll up your sleeves for anything other than eating good food. And I come to your house, they are trying to treat me like a slave, why will they do that? Is that how my mum treated you?

“Yes, your family treated me well because I am the head of the house. You were supposed to submit to my family. It’s as simple as that”. Segun didn’t understand why she wanted them to be treated equally. She was the woman and he was the man.

Lola found herself getting pissed at that statement made by Segun, “I will never submit to your family, don’t think about it. It’s enough I have to submit to you but to your family, you have another thing coming.

Is a woman not supposed to be submissive, this was his problem with rich girls. He thought she was humble and submissive which was why he proceeded to ask her to marry him. “Okay, if you have submitted to me why have you not moved in?

A queen and her standing

Lola was tired of the back and forth, “Segun, see, I am going to make something clear here. There is nothing that will make me move into your house. We have discussed this earlier. I am not moving into your two-bedroom apartment. You are the one who is allowing sentiment and emotions to rule you.

What is wrong if you move into the duplex I live in. Do you know what it means for me to move into your two-bedroom apartment? My space will be cramped. Where will I keep my things? In this same two-bedroom? I don’t think so. I like having my space. Most importantly you don’t live in an estate, so electricity is always an issue here.

Throughout the two days I came for a sleepover at your house, the electricity company supplied light for only 30 minutes. The rest of the time I spent here was with the sound of the generator. My estate has stable electricity. I have even offered you the option of paying for part of the duplex, that way, you are legally entitled to the duplex. You refused something I offered to soothe your ego. Please, I don’t want to stress myself.

“I am the man here, I cannot move into your house, Lola. What will people say about me? If you are truly submissive, you are not going to look at what it cost to move into my house. We have even said that after the wedding, we are going to rent a three-bedroom and move into it, why can’t you agree with that?

“See Segun, with the way you are insisting on me moving into your house. I don’t trust you to rent that three bedroom. Why have you not rented it? Lola asked

“Because we have not gotten married, and most importantly, you have not moved into my house”. 

When she doesn’t respect you; Chaos

“I am sorry to inform you, I am not going to move into your house. And I don’t get why you have been so high on submission. On the housing issue, I won’t submit to you. Move into my house or rent a three-bedroom. Simple. And as for your family, they were wrong and it’s as simple as that”.

Segun looked at the woman he wanted to marry. She was rich quite alright, but he expected her to obey him. He liked that she was successful. Segun was not going to rent that three-bedroom apartment because he did not have the money to. He wanted to make her move into where he lived. She lived in a duplex situated in an expensive estate. Her parents were rich and classy. When he went to their house, he could not believe such magnificence. He thought that with age not being on her side, she could be more agreeable. To his dismay, she is stubborn and age had not tampered with that. He was a man and wouldn’t deceive himself into thinking she was a submissive woman, he wanted a submissive woman.

When she doesn’t respect you; it was good while it lasted

“If we can’t agree on these little things; that you were wrong to refuse my mother and you have to move into my house. Then I am sorry, we can’t continue with this relationship”.

When she doesn't respect you /mildstrings
When she doesn’t respect you

Lola laughed inwardly, she could not help it when it burst out of her. She was no fool. There were many fishes in the sea and this one standing before her whom she thought was a shark was nothing but an egg laid by a fish. She gave Segun a long look whilst smiling. He looked puzzled. Did he think she was going to bend at the mention of a breakup? She laughed more, looked me into his eyes, and said, “I agree with you, we are two worlds apart and as such, cannot work.”

It’s a pity, she loved him, she did. But her love had eyes, it was not blind. She had always promised herself she would not allow a man to ride her. When she had met him, she was elated but his financial status put a dent in her elation. She was indecisive and wanted to walk away at first but she thought better of it and decided to advance with the relationship.

He was not rich but in as much as she considered it important, she knew money was not everything. In a man, the most important thing she sought out was the character. She thought she saw the character in him but this new trait he was displaying had taken its sweet time to show. She was getting older yes, but she was not in a hurry and certainly won’t lower her standards in a man or life just to play submissive and get married. Her parents are going to be disappointed but they will understand.

Segun’s face was set, she could not read him. She stood up, dusted her self, and picked up her handbag.

And Goodbye

Lola looked at him, “it’s a pity we did not end up together. It’s alright. I will cherish our memories while I move on with my life. Maybe we can do this in another lifetime”.

Lola stepped out of his house, got into her car, and drove out. She let the tears fall, it was going to hurt, yes but then, she was going to heal and she would live life on her terms. She played Beyonce’s, Single ladies”.

Segun plopped into his chair and held his head to soothe the headache he was experiencing. He wanted a submissive woman, he would find another, and he consoled himself.

And that marked the end of a potential disaster of a marriage that was nipped in the bud.


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