Why do breakups happen? When people hear breakup, they are probably thinking of crying faces, bitter exes, and smashed glasses.
I experienced a breakup but it was not all these, rather silent tears of what could have been, and loving her enough to let go so she could achieve that which she desired. Why do breakups happen, they happen for different reasons, and here is why I broke up with her.
One boring day
My wife is out with the kids for some ice cream, she requested I go with them but I declined. I am at home with no desire to play my video games. I decide to check my social media, it’s been a while since I used it. I open my Facebook app, and after a few minutes of laughing and smiling at some funny posts, I become bored and swipe up on my Facebook fast, and a flurry of texts, videos, images, and links goes by.
For a minute, it seems like there is a familiar face I know and I swipe down to search. In less than ten seconds of swiping down to search, behold, it’s my first love back in my University days.
An old flame
I click on her name, and I am taken to her profile. I swipe up and see pictures of her smiling. I look at another picture and see images of her in both male and female versions and another male who doesn’t look like her.
“Oh, this must be her children”, I think in my head.
I scroll down some more and I see this time with her, an adult version of the boy who does not look like her.
I feel nothing.
Just indifference and perhaps a little bit of happiness.
She is living the good life over there. Marriage sure looks good on her. She made her choice and it paid off.
I cast my mind back to how my university life was while with her.
Help… Go on a date with me?
I met her at a screening during my second year at the university. She had won Miss Fresher in her first year so she was popular. I had always admired her from afar but I never considered myself her type nor enough for her.
So I kept my distance.
I am not from a rich home and my parents were struggling to send me to school. I am the first son with a burden the size of the country. I must face my studies and that is what I do.
The day I met her, luckily, I was on my best and she was dressed beautifully as always. She needed to get her screening done but she was in no mood to stand under the sun. Her eyes fell on me and she pleaded with me to help her get a number and give her a phone call when it’s her turn. It seemed like a little task to do in exchange for her number.
I helped her with what she asked and she was able to do her registration. She messaged me on Whatsapp to appreciate my help. I didn’t let the opportunity slide as I requested to go on a date with her if she wants to show her appreciation. I don’t care how I sound. I was glad when she said yes.
I gave a shout of joy.
You make me feel as though I was enough…
I planned something very simple to make her happy. Just a walk under a lonely pathway. I made sure to carry a backpack that contained food, we were going to have a small picnic.
We took a walk and I made sure I brought out the comedian in me. She laughed till she complained of her sides hurting her.
We sat down on a cement chair and I brought out what I knew she liked.
She was pleasantly surprised and I patted myself on the back for doing my due diligence. We eat and talk and laugh some more. I bring out my phone and connect my earpiece. I gave her one side of the earpiece to listen to and play “James Arthur’s, say you won’t let go.
At the end of the song, she was grinning from ear to ear.
Can I be him?
In the most serious tone, I could muster. I told her how I feel about her. She looked down and fiddled with her fingers. She was shy.
I told her to take her time. My heart beats wildly against my chest and I was nervous to hear what she had to say.
She is beautiful, so I cleaned up and walked her back to her hostel. I used jokes to liven up the sober moment. She was in fits of laughter by the time we got to her hostel.
Love is feeling
I continued trying to woo her for one month until she said yes. I didn’t waste time making her mine. Our relationship was simple as two youngsters could have it. We made the best of our finances and managed together. We cared for each other. We didn’t break the bank to have the most romantic dates.
Already, we had named our unborn kids. We have chosen where to settle. I had every intention of making her my wife until reality came knocking.
Back to earth..
My girlfriend is very beautiful, by the time we were in our final year. She had already made men coming for her hand in marriage. Both in school and at home she had men coming for her hand in marriage.
My ex-girlfriend had already expressed her desire to get married early. I did not know it would be this soon till she sat me down and initiated a difficult conversation with me. One of the things I have always loved about my ex was the fact that she is analytical. She is logical and this makes her smart.
However, I hated those traits in her on the day she sat me down and told me it was time for us to end the relationship. I was angry, but she asked me questions that truly tested my intelligence and the depth of my love for her.
Will you love me forever?
She asked where I see myself in the next four years. I told her I see myself hustling and providing for my family. She asked if I had plans for her in the next four years. I told her I planned to date her during those four years. She asked if I was sure that I would harbor these feelings for her in the next four years.
That question was one I could not give an answer to. She reiterated her desire to marry early and she is realistic enough to know that things might change and I might not harbour this feelings for her when I am ready to get married. She stressed on not wanting to be a victim of had I known, or me being unable to marry her by then because my feelings for her might have diminished by then.
She stated clearly that she loves me, but she is realistic to understand that life does not happen the way we want it. So she will take her chance now and marry the man who is coming for her hand and wants to take her overseas.
I could not fault her logic, she was right.
Maybe in another life
I am the firstborn and there was a lot to do that I might not be able to finish within four years. Marrying her right now was a foolhardy decision. School love was different from marriage. The chances of marrying her in the next four years were slim.
Success and light
Here I am after 12 years, married to a beautiful woman with two kids and doing well. I made my parents proud and gave them a better life.
I still respect her, for having that difficult conversation. She chased her dream and was bold enough.
We parted on amicable grounds.
We are both doing well and that is all that matters.
Sometimes breakups happen because someone is realistically not ready to take it further.