Why you should never live with your mother-in-law.

by Onyinye Ogbuka
Why should never live with your mother in law/twitter/ mildstrings

You should never live with your mother-in-law! I will tell you why I sound like a home breaker, right? And you are probably cursing me right now. I don’t care that I sound like this because I am trying to help you.

This is what happened to me when I thought I could live with my mother-in-law. I paid dearly for it. My story will give you reasons why you should never live with your mother-in-law.

Why should never live with your mother in law/Pinterest image/mildstrings

An open secret… Something under the sun

I walked into the prophet’s office. His office was painted pastel blue. Royal blue drapes touched with silver spirals at the edge covered the windows. His small frame was sitting on a revolving office chair behind a big table. On the table were Christian books and pictures frames of his wife and children smiling.

I wondered in my heart when God would give me my children. He smiled and gestured for me to sit, I sat down on the chair before the table and greeted the prophet.

He stood up and circled the table to sit on it, held my hands, and we prayed

Within a few minutes, we were done. He looked at me and smiled. He said, “the lord will cause those who dig a pit for you to fall you into it.”

I was puzzled until he dropped the worst prophecy I had ever heard in my entire life.

“Your mother-in-law is the one behind your childlessness.

Unbelief rose within me, “Prophet, I can’t believe that”.

He smiled, “don’t doubt what the Lord has said, I did not concoct this myself, I simply said what the Lord wanted me to say”. He went to a side of his office that had a filing box, pulled out one of the drawers, and brought out a calendar. The prophet rolled the calendar into a cylindrical shape and gave it to me.

“Take this calendar home and hang it in your sitting room. You will see what will happen. Your mother-in-law is sick, her room is by the left of the corridor. Do you think God did not have a reason for making her sick so you can come alone? Sister Foluke, you are going to testify.”

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Why you should never live with your mother in law

I was filled with fright as I stood up on shaky legs and walked out of the prophet’s office. I sat down in a secluded corner of the church and wept.

Betrayal, pain and sorrow washed all over me. Have I done wrong in being kind to my mother in law?

I was born for you…how I met my husband

Five years ago, I angrily walked into the banking hall and headed straight for the customer service. I was determined to raise hell that day. It did not matter I was a lady, well who cared. My salary of sixty thousand was withdrawn from my account without my consent.

Several times, I had been to the bank to lay complaints and the customer service kept insisting there was nothing they could do about it. Just the thought of that made me boil. I had a family to take care of with that money and they were so nonchalant about it. My mission that day_ cause a ruckus until my money is refunded.

The customer service saw me coming and had already squeezed her face. She didn’t know what was coming for her, I thought. On getting to her, I made inquiries about the progress of my complaint. With an edge in her voice that I detested, “madam, I have told you several times that there is nothing I can do about it. Please you are disturbing me by coming here”.

It felt like anger had transformed into rage. I started shouting above my voice and in a split second I had removed my wig and taken off my stilettoes. The scene I was making had halted every bank activity. I saw the security coming to bundle me out of the bank and I threatened to use the pointed end of stilettoes on them if they dared come near me. It worked because they halted in their tracks.

I was like a madwoman in the middle of the market and kept shouting until the manager came down and tried to calm me down. As best as I could, I refused him a hearing asking that my money be refunded before I granted anyone an audience.

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Love here and there…

A good-looking man in black slacks and a crisp white shirt walked up to me. He requested my account number. I quickly calmed down and gave him my account number. In minutes, I received an alert of 60k. I thanked him and went to the counter to withdraw the money using the bank POS.

For once, shame washed all over me, but I quickly shook it off. In the end, I got my money, the end certainly justified the means. Nigeria is too bad to let go of 60k like that. Right in the presence of everybody, I wore my wig, put on my shoes, and with my head held high, I walked out of the bank.

Outside the bank was the man standing beside a nice car. He walked up to introduce himself as Kunle and asked for my contact. I really could not refuse, if not for him, I would still be in the bank shouting at the top of my lungs. We exchanged contact and from there on, it became history.

Within a short time, we had fallen in love with each other. He is the most wonderful man I have ever come across and I love him so much. It hurt that we didn’t meet in such a romantic way. When I mentioned it to him. He brushed it off saying, I was not to be blamed. He didn’t waste time in proposing marriage and I quickly said yes.

Both of our fathers were not alive but my mother loved him, and my siblings adored him. It was perfect or so I thought until Kunle asked me to dress up one day, we were going to visit his mother.

I wore my best and we set off to his mother’s house. On getting to his mother’s house, the woman welcomed us and it was quite obvious that Kunle was a good son. He made his mother as comfortable as he could. I mentally patted myself on the back for saying yes to him. He would take good care of his family.

Displeasure somewhere…

Kunle introduced me to her as the woman he wanted to marry. There was displeasure written all over her face. The atmosphere in the room turned from welcoming to suppressed displeasure, and I became worried. Kunle’s mother as he called her; Mrs. Akinsete, was a beautiful woman. She asked me questions which I tried to reply to as warmly as I could.

Mrs. Akinsete requested she gets my number. At first, Kunle resisted but I told him it was alright. We left amidst forced warmth.

I got into the car with Kunle as he was to drop me off.

Kunle could see worry etched on my face and asked what I was thinking. I fired a stream of questions at him and found out his mother had chosen for him a girl earlier and he had rejected her.

He did not like the girl. Usually, he carried his mother along with everything he did but on meeting me, he wanted to make me his little secret until he was ready to announce me to the world. I guess that strategy did not work out well because his mother does not like me.

He calmed me down by assuring me that his mother would come around and would love me. He asked that I give her time and she would see me for the beautiful soul I was.

Three days later, I got a call from his mother asking me to come to her house without telling her son. I was quite happy because I thought she really wanted to know me.

Once again, I wore my best. When I got to her house, she did not offer me anything and did not waste time expressing her displeasure at my relationship with her son. I was not happy. This was not what I expected.

According to her, I am not good enough for her son. The lady she has chosen for her son was more exposed and more beautiful than I was. She couldn’t figure out what her son saw in me that made him approach me.

It was getting annoying.

She made her request that I should leave her son. With all the respect I could muster, I told her what she was asking of me was impossible. I love her son, he has proposed to me and I will not break the good thing I have with her son because of her displeasure.

Besides, her son is old enough to know what he wants as a man without her interfering. She looked at me and laughed, it threw me off a bit. I quickly regained my composure.

She bade me goodbye and I left her house hurriedly. What transpired between my mother-in-law and me was something I swore never to disclose to my husband.

Together Forever…and I will be there.

I approached my mum for advice. She was not happy with the outcome of the visit. She advised I break up with Kunle. I looked at her like she had two horns and told her never to mention such to me again. I told her I could not love any other person apart from Kunle and breaking up with him was not an option.

She gave me the same encouragement as Kunle did and urged me to set aside my differences with her and love her as much as I could. It looked as though she had accepted me or so I thought.

Wedding preparations commenced in the earnest. Within six months, I had said I do to the love of my life.

Mother in law living with us ruining our marriage/ mildstrings

At the wedding, Kunle’s mum walked up to me with tears in her eyes. She confessed she was in the wrong and did not know how important I was to her son. She has now seen how much I love her son and I make her son happy. I was really glad to hear this and coming on my wedding day, my joy was beyond the roof.

Six months after our wedding, my mother-in-law became sick. My husband wanted to hire a nurse to take care of her but I suggested he brought her to our house. I offered to take care of her myself. (Already, I had stopped working because the stress in my job was not allowing me to take in. The doctor recommended that I reduce every manner of stress, my husband and I agreed I would stop working till I give birth, then I can go back to work. I took up a remote job online and it worked out well for me)

He was not comfortable with her coming. His concern was she might give me problems if she and I were near each other. I assured him nothing of such would happen.

That was my undoing.

She came and I spared no expense in making sure she was comfortable and well taken care of. The sickness had taken its toll on her. I was more than happy to show her love. I fondly called her mother in love.

In a short time, we became close, and soon enough my husband had to compete for my attention. When she became well, she wanted to leave but I refused she left. I wanted her to stay. My husband was pleased and at the same time unhappy. Pleased because the two women in his life were in harmony with each other, unhappy because he would have to share me with his mother.

I assured him nothing of such would happen. My mother-in-law and I became as tight as thieves. This amused my husband to no end.

I found it difficult to get pregnant, I confided in my mother-in-law and she advised me to wait on the lord. She was really supportive.

When I realized I should have never lived with my mother in law

I woke up one morning to prepare breakfast for my husband before he left. He woke up, freshened up for the day’s work, and when I greeted him, he ignored me and left the house without eating.

He came back and skipped eating my food. I was worried and angry. I tried finding what was wrong, but he said nothing was wrong. When I pressed further, he flared up and started shouting at me. Immediately, my mother-in-law came to my rescue, she faced her son on my behalf and berated him, only then did he calm down.

That was the beginning of my marital problems. My husband transformed into a strange man, he was no more loving. On the days I cooked, he would refuse to eat and on the days I refused to cook he would bring down the whole house with shouts.

I thought I was crazy but most definitely I had met my match. I didn’t sign up for this. On certain days he would hurl abusive words at me, calling me barren and all sorts of names. He threw my things out of our bedroom, it was his mother’s intervention that prevented him from sending me out of the house. I had to move into my mother-in-law’s room.

I contemplated leaving my marriage several times but I could not go back home to face my mother. She had warned me. I could not even tell her what I was going through. He would take off for days and I would not be able to see him. He started seeing other women and he would often bring them to our home to flaunt.

My mother-in-law would be the one to chase them out with a belt while my husband laughed.

I would have left if not for my mother inlaw. Through all this, she was my strength and pillar of support. She kept praying with me and would often encourage me.

At some point, we started going from one mountain to the other seeking solutions to the crisis in my marriage and childlessness. She would even be the one to drag me to the ones that I did not want to go.

On the day I was to go to the program where I met the prophet. My mother-in-law fell sick. I was not happy with the recent development but I made sure to take care of her. I had made up my mind to forego the program but I felt restless because I had heard a lot about the prophet. When I walked into the room my mother-in-law and I shared, I discovered was fast asleep. I decided to go.

Time to push the cat out of the bag

And here I was, I have never felt so betrayed in my life. I was full of doubts, the prophet could be one of these fake prophets everywhere. I hung the calendar as he instructed so I could see what will happen.

Why you should never live with mother in law, mildstrings
Why you should never live with your mother in law

I went into the kitchen to make dinner. Halfway into dinner, my husband came back. I didn’t want his trouble so I stayed in the kitchen. A few minutes later, I heard a shout from the sitting room. I rushed out and found my mother-in-law rolling on the floor. I was afraid, I tried helping there but she violently shrugged me off. With fury, she stood up and looked me straight in the eye. She looked like she was in pain.

“Who brought this calendar into this house?

“I did”

She furiously pointed her finger to it, “remove it now”.

Somehow, I became bold, “no, ma’am, I will not remove it. A prophet gave it to me.

She stomped to the calendar and tried to yank it off but it seemed as though the calendar scalded her palm and she started shouting again.

She looked at me, “you this foolish girl, you thought I will allow you have peace in this house, I will not. You don’t know what you signed up for when I asked you not to marry my son and you had the guts to refuse me to my face.

You thought I have forgiven you for being rude to me. I will deal with it with you. I am behind my son’s hatred for you and will make sure you don’t conceive, this is the end for you.

You thought I loved you when you invited me into your house. You don’t know anything”.

For a moment, I was blinded by pain and bent over to wail at the top of my voice. I was in so much pain. So this woman had been behind my problems for 4 and a half years.

Someone I confided in more than my mother,


“So mama you have been the one making me do all the bad things I have done to my wife”, I heard my husband say behind me. I looked behind him and saw him crying. All the hate I felt for my husband vanished. He cupped his face with his hands, fell to his knees, and let out a cry that pierced my soul.

“I have always wondered why I treated Foluke this badly, each time I would promise myself to stop and each time something beyond me would push me to be cruel to her.

So you were behind me maltreating her. Mama, Foluke loved you with all her heart. Even when you did not deserve it, she showed you love consistently and this is how you chose to repay her. Because I did not marry that girl you wanted, you chose to wreak havoc on my marriage.

I could not say anything but watch. She had started crying and kept saying she was sorry. She did not know what came over her to go diabolical.

Kunle was in a rage, he told her to pack her bags and leave his house in one hour. If not, he would throw his respect out of the window and throw her things out. Kunle stepped out of the house leaving me and his mother alone.

“Mama, what did I do wrong?” Was I wrong in fighting for the love of my life? I tearfully asked her.

She tried coming near me but I told her not to touch me. I hugged myself and wept some more. She made her way into the room and in thirty minutes came out with her things.

I ordered our driver to take her back to her house. She kept crying and was unable to look at me. When the car zoomed off, I went back into the house and tearfully broke into worship. I began to thank God for all his faithfulness.

Old things have passed away and all things are new

My husband came back when he confirmed that his mother had left. He knelt before me and asked for my forgiveness, I had already forgiven him, what grudge could I hold over a man who was under the diabolic influence.

Within three months, things came back to normal. I was happy once again and my husband became the man I loved and married. We visited the prophet and appreciated him.

In a bid to make a fresh start, my husband cajoled me into a two-week honeymoon to Seychelles. It was a trip to remember. There, we renewed our love for each other and rededicated our lives to God. We moved out of our house to a new place. So many bad memories that we didn’t want to be around them. A few months later, I found out that I was pregnant. It was such a joyous occasion for my husband and I

My husband has insisted on not seeing his mother I can’t bring myself to say anything because the memory of what she did still brings pain to my heart.

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